


Rise

by soulaire



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friendship, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:35:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 40,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25449208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulaire/pseuds/soulaire
Summary: SasuSaku. Post-war. Sasuke's POV. Sasuke is cold, yes, but still there is warmth within him—even though he himself forgets it sometimes. And while he might not be the easiest person to love, at the end of the day he is still human, through and through.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke, Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 30
Kudos: 92





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story has already been posted on fanfiction.net, but I am posting it here as well for those users who prefer to read on AO3. :) You can find me on ff.net with the username soulaire.

_"You've seen my descent. Now watch my rising." -_ Rumi

* * *

"She's admirable, isn't she?"

Naruto's gazing out across the village, feet dangling over the edge of the Hokage cliff. His blue eyes are tinted gold from the rays of the sinking sun.

Sasuke tilts his head in Naruto's direction, mismatched eyes shifting ever so slightly to look at him. He is a man of few words; his body language is a question in itself, and Naruto knows him well enough to recognize it.

"Sakura-chan, that is," the blond responds, jutting his chin outward, eyes still focused on the village below.

Sasuke follows his gaze slowly, finally landing on a splash of pink hair and green eyes that glitter happily even at a distance.

She's walking next to Yamanaka Ino, lips curved into a full smile, laughing at something the blonde girl has said. Ino slings her arm around Sakura's shoulders, her free hand gesturing forcefully in the air, mouth moving quickly as she speaks.

Suddenly Inuzuka Kiba runs up behind them, jumping between the two girls and pulling them both close under his arms. Ino brings her fist down on his head, but Sakura only smiles wider, and ruffles Kiba's hair as he beams, talking excitedly.

They disappear around a corner, but Sasuke's gaze doesn't move.

"I mean, just think about it. Look at the two of us. You're an Uchiha. You were destined to be great ever since you were born," Naruto continues, turning now to face his friend. "My dad was the Fourth Hokage, and I've got this damn fox inside me. Even the rest of the Rookie Nine, they're all from shinobi families. They had family jutsu that they started learning ever since they could walk."

Naruto shakes his head. His lips turn up at the edges. "But Sakura-chan? Everything she's done, everything she's learned—none of it was given to her. She busted her ass again and again until she felt like she was strong enough to prove herself to the world. And now she's probably one of the strongest kunoichi in all the Hidden villages."

Naruto's bright blue eyes meet Sasuke's as he twists his head away from the scene. "Crazy, huh? She really is something special."

Shaking his head a little once more, Naruto then rises to his feet, intent on being back home before the sun sets completely. He leaps out into the air and is gone in a flash of orange color, leaping from rooftop to rooftop.

Sasuke leaves soon after, off to train with what little light the sun still has to offer him. An hour later, cloaked in darkness, sweat, and dirt, he makes his way home, and just as he's passing by the hospital something catches his eye, and he decides to take a look back.

Sakura's stepping out of the hospital's front doors, pulling her short pink hair free of its ponytail, muttering to herself as she makes her way down the steps. She yawns widely, then pauses.

Sasuke freezes. She couldn't notice him, could she? No, surely not. He's hidden perfectly in the shadows, shrouded in darkness.

Seconds later, Sakura merely turns her gaze upward to the sky, and Sasuke relaxes just a bit.

The moon is almost full. It shines a bright white, thousands of stars glittering beside it.

Sakura smiles a small smile. Her eyes close for just a moment before reopening. And with the smile still on her face she continues away from the hospital until she's gone from his sight.

Alone in the shadows, Sasuke thinks to himself that a lot has changed. And for the first time since he left, he thinks that Sakura is one of them. Who she was in the past and the woman she is now are two completely different people. He likes to think he knows Naruto, even though he left for so long, but Sakura?

No, Sasuke thinks. He doesn't know Sakura well at all.

But he agrees with Naruto. The dobe was right. She's admirable—if nothing else—for the path she has created for herself. He'll give her that.

With that thought, Sasuke turns and continues to make his way back home.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hi, Sasuke-kun!"

Sasuke pauses in his step, one foot frozen in the air. Slowly his head twists to the source of the voice.

It's Sakura, of course. He'd know that voice anywhere, anytime. No number of years can change that.

Sakura's cheeks are flushed pink—perhaps from seeing him, he doesn't know—and she's standing beside him, a wavering smile on her face. She breathes deeply, as if preparing herself to speak to him, and shakes her head to dislodge a lock of pink hair that crept into her face.

He nods his head at her and turns to face her fully. "Sakura."

She beams at this. Her smile doesn't seem to waver anymore. "I was just finishing grocery shopping and saw you passing by outside." She gestures at the six or so bags in both her hands.

He raises an eyebrow at this. Anyone else would've been struggling with the weight, but this is Sakura, and he's seen her inhuman strength in battle before. The bags don't faze her in the least.

"I'm going to go cook dinner with my parents," she rushes on, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. "They've been pestering me to visit them ever since the war ended."

He nods once more, a silent acknowledgment of her words.

Sakura's smile falters a little. "I feel bad. I really haven't been home in a long time." She laughs, but it's not full of mirth as it usually is. "I'm a horrible daughter."

"You moved out of your parents' home?" he questions, much to her surprise.

Her eyes brighten. Did it really give her that much joy for him to respond to her, to talk to her? "Yeah! I moved out a few years ago, once I had enough money to afford my own place. I like being on my own."

He's silent, simply because he doesn't know what else to say, but the silence is gone soon after when Sakura peeks at the position of the sun in the sky.

"Shit, I'm running late!" she exclaims, adjusting the bags in her arms to a more comfortable position. "My mom's gonna kill me."

Sakura makes to hop onto the nearest roof, but before her legs propel her into the air, she pauses and looks back at him.

"Now that you're back, you'll have to come over to see my apartment sometime, Sasuke-kun," she says, a smile curving her lips once more. "It's small but homey. And I can cook you dinner! I make a mean bowl of katsu-don."

Sasuke is surprised at this, though he doesn't show it. For some reason, he didn't expect this new, changed Sakura to put in the effort to see him. Perhaps she isn't so different after all.

It's been a good number of seconds, he realizes, since she's spoken, and yet again he's been silent. He sees disappointment in her eyes at his lack of response. It easily betrays the smile she fights to keep on her lips, and before he can open his mouth to hopefully rectify the situation—how he'd do that, he doesn't know, but he should at least try—she's speaking again.

"Or if you're not comfortable with that, that's okay too!" She laughs nervously. "Sorry if I'm being too forward, I…" She trails off, and her smile finally falls.

Sasuke frowns. It frustrates him, he finds, that Sakura can't be around him for more than a few minutes without crying or being sad in some way. He wishes he didn't have that effect on her, but doesn't have a clue what to do about it.

"Well, I'll be going then." Sakura's voice brings him back to reality. Mustering up one last, sad smile, Sakura lifts a hand—the bags swinging at the motion—as if to wave goodbye. "See ya around, Sasuke-kun!"

She's gone before he can do anything to erase the cheerless look so noticeable to him in her normally bright, joyful eyes.

* * *

Sasuke has known for a very long time that he cares for Sakura.

He's not stupid. He knows what it's like to love someone, to have their best interests in mind, no matter what the rest of the shinobi world might think. He's not heartless, or unfeeling, or any other cruel adjectives that have been spat at him over the years.

Sasuke is cold, yes, but still there is warmth within him—even though he himself forgets it sometimes. And while he might not be the easiest person to love, at the end of the day, he is still human, through and through.

He thinks that that is one of the main reasons why Sakura always remained a precious person to him, despite everything they've been through (he'll never forget the feeling of his hands around her neck, kunai poised to kill, as he was consumed with a rage he never experienced before; he still has nightmares about it to this day, and doesn't think he'll ever quite forgive himself for it).

Sasuke knows just how hard it is to love him, but for some reason, seeing Sakura pinned to a tree after she protected him from Gaara, being held in her arms as the curse seal faded from his body, watching her scream from exertion as she lent whatever chakra she had left to Obito so that he could make it through the portal—

For some reason, he never once doubted the depth and sincerity of her feelings for him. He just couldn't for the life of him understand them.

Haruno Sakura—for some reason entirely unknown to him—loved Uchiha Sasuke. It was a fact, every bit a fact as the sun rising in the east, or Naruto being an idiot.

Sasuke thinks that she still feels the same. That part, as least, remains unchanged. He can see it in the way she looks at him ever since the war ended. She's hesitant around him, cautious—like prey eyeing its predator—but nevertheless in love.

Just as he still has a hard time believing that Naruto considers him a friend after all this time, Sakura's continuous feelings for him shock him to the core. He can't imagine any other two people stupid enough to care for him despite what he put them through.

It's something, as Sasuke learned upon the end of the war, that he won't take for granted ever again. Truly, these people are special—have remained by his side through the toughest of times, and probably would follow him to the depths of hell if he asked.

Naruto knows it, too. He knows how much Sasuke cares for him, brags about it to his face all the time.

If only, Sasuke thinks, Sakura would be smart enough to do the same.


	3. Chapter 3

"Only ten bowls, Naruto?" Sakura scoffs. "I'm shocked."

Naruto grumbles incoherently and frowns down at his first bowl of ramen. He can't remember the last time he came to Ichiraku's and ordered less than thirty. "I'm trying to watch my weight," he groans, patting his stomach. Sasuke swears he sees a tear fall down his cheek. "If I get fat I don't know if Hinata will like me anymore."

Sakura laughs so hard she's the one who starts to cry. After a good minute, with Naruto still sulking at his bowl, and Sasuke's eyes fixed upon the pure joy radiating from Sakura's face, she finally calms down. "Y-you're watching your weight so that Hinata will still like you?" she asks, and can't help but grin again. "Naruto, you're fine. You have a six pack, for crying out loud. Besides, I'm pretty sure you could be four hundred pounds and Hinata would still like you. Trust me."

Naruto pouts. "You think so?"

She nods, smiles, and reaches over to pat him on the head. "I know so."

This seems to cheer Naruto up, and with a whoop and a fist in the air, he adds ten bowls onto his original order.

An hour later they've finished with their meal, and Naruto waves goodbye, off to visit Hinata on the other side of the village.

"Make sure Sakura-chan gets home safe, Sasuke-teme!" he shouts, grinning from ear to ear. He sprints away before Sakura can punch him into the next decade.

She rolls her eyes, but begins walking with Sasuke anyway—both unspeaking—as her apartment is on the way to his.

Minutes go by as they make their way through the streets of Konoha. Strangely enough, Sakura remains silent by his side. Sasuke thinks that she was so happy before—why is it now that they're alone, she in his presence only, that her attitude changes, that her smile falls from her lips and her joyful demeanor vanishes?

Lost in his thoughts, Sasuke surprises even himself by opening his mouth, but then the words are out, and he finds that, possibly, this is for the best. "So you're a medic-nin now?"

From the corner of his eye, he sees Sakura jump slightly at the sound of his monotone voice. Her steps falter, and she looks at him with wide green eyes filled with shock.

"What?" she lets out, and her words are more high-pitched than normal. "Oh! Uh, yeah, I am."

He knew this already, of course, and he becomes impatient when, yet again, she grows silent. Dammit, did his attempt at conversation floor her so much to the point where she became mute?

He glances at her now, and finds that her gaze is cast on the road beneath her feet, head down, cheeks flushed and brows furrowed.

"How did you come across such a profession?" he prompts, oh-so calm, in hopes of not scaring her away with his growing impatience.

This time, she lifts her head to look at him and her eyes are only a little wide. She takes a deep breath and smiles, though it's tentative at best. "I begged Tsunade to train me right after Naruto left with Jiraiya," she begins slowly. "I knew my chakra control could be put to good use somehow, and medical jutsu seemed to be the perfect fit for me." She pauses. "I was tired of sitting around waiting for something that would miraculously make me a better shinobi. I had been weak for so long, let you and Naruto down so many times. I was sick of it. And I knew that, if I worked hard enough, I could be more than just someone to be protected."

Her smile has grown. It's unrestrained in its fullness, and this—this is the Sakura he wants to see, the Sakura she has only shown him a handful of times.

He is content with her answer, and now fully certain that speaking up in the first place was a good choice.

Suddenly, though, she stops walking, and he's confused for a moment before he hears the jangling of keys and realizes that they've arrived at her apartment.

"Thanks for walking with me, Sasuke-kun," she says. There's a light dusting of pink on her cheeks, but her voice is confident, eyes radiating delight. "Are you heading home now?"

Sasuke nods and moves to rest his hands in the pockets of his pants. Tilting his head just a little, he asks, "When should I be back for dinner?"

Sakura's expression twists in puzzlement. "Pardon?"

He's slightly amused. "You offered me a home-cooked meal."

"Oh!" Realization widens her eyes, and she blushes fiercely. "Of course! How could I forget? Sorry." She laughs. "I just didn't expect for you to actually take up the offer. I would be lying if I said I wasn't surprised."

Perhaps he should continue to surprise her more often. The happiness growing in her vibrant green eyes is something he does not dislike, not at all.

"Hm," she ponders, hand on hip. "I'm free mostly on the weekends." Her eyes flicker back to his. "Wait, actually, this Friday would be perfect! I should be back from my mission pretty early. Does six p.m. that day work for you?"

Sasuke's still on parole, so the list of things he can do is severely limited. Normally being reminded of it would put him in a sour mood, but in this moment he doesn't mind. "Aa."

She beams. "Well then, I'll see you in a few days, Sasuke-kun. Have a good night!"

She moves to unlock the door and head inside. He supposes he should leave and stop talking now, but his mouth hasn't obeyed him ever since they left Ichiraku's, and it decides otherwise.

"Be safe on your mission, Sakura," he says.

Once again her eyes meet his. She smiles for the hundredth time, and nods. "I'll make sure to."


	4. Chapter 4

It's six p.m. and Sasuke is on time as always. He knocks briskly on Sakura's door—three short taps—and then steps back slightly so as not to startle her with his close proximity.

He hears a loud crash of metal from inside, and Sakura swears loudly enough for him to make out the words.

"Coming!" she calls. The sound of footsteps follow, and seconds later the door is swung open.

He's met with her unbelievably bright smile, and a happy chirp of "Hi, Sasuke-kun!" before she steps aside and ushers him into the apartment.

He follows her down the hallway and takes note of her outfit as he walks. Sakura is clad in a simple cream skirt and red shirt, with a white apron tied around her middle. Her hair is pulled up into a small ponytail, bangs pinned, leaving her cheerful features open for him to see.

"You're right on time!" she says in an upbeat manner. Upon entering the small kitchen, he's met with the delicious smell of katsu, and thinks she must've improved her cooking skills since the last time he tried her food.

The kitchen is attached to a larger living room, with a dining table, couch, and TV arranged neatly within it. The walls of the house are the color of sand, with the couch and dining table a warm brown. There's pictures decorating the walls—Team 7 from before he defected, Sakura and what he assumes are her parents, and several others depicting her with the rest of the shinobi their age. It's simple, homey—just as she said.

Sakura glances at him as he stands awkwardly at the edges of the kitchen. She gestures toward the living room. "Make yourself comfortable at the table."

He does as she says, and Sakura moves to the stove and turns it off before distributing the food into two separate bowls. "Would you like something to drink, Sasuke-kun?" She looks at him from over her shoulder. "I have tea, water, beer, and a few bottles of wine."

He ponders this for a moment. "I'll have wine."

A minute later they're sitting across from each other at the table, and Sasuke keeps his eyes on Sakura as she takes a small sip from her own wine glass.

Shortly after, her rich green eyes meet his. "I hope you like it," she says, gesturing at the food. "Naruto says it's his favorite of all the things I make."

Sasuke nods and, curious if it tastes as good as it smells, takes a bite. It's surprisingly delicious, and he swallows before telling her, "You did well."

That's all he needed to say before she's beaming at him. A soft blush appears on her cheeks. "I'm glad you like it."

They eat for a few minutes in silence, with Sasuke glancing up at Sakura every few moments. Every time she's either focused on her food or staring at random places on the wall, chewing thoughtfully.

Sasuke clears his throat after finishing a bite, and decides he enjoys surprising her. So he asks calmly, "How was your mission?"

Sakura blinks at him, still chewing on her last piece, then quickly finishes and responds, "It went really well, actually. I've only been on a handful of solo missions before, so I was a little nervous, but I pulled it off without a hitch." There's pride in her eyes, but it's not in the least gloating. "I'm going to ask Tsunade-shishou to give me more missions. After the war passed I realized how much I missed being out on the field."

"Does she usually have you working at the hospital?" It's easier than he expected, he thinks, to continue a conversation with her. She hasn't looked sad at all this entire time, and he feels encouraged by it.

"Yeah," Sakura responds, albeit wistfully. "I love working at the hospital, I truly do. I just think I'm more useful out on the field. Tsunade-shishou and Shizune are here to watch over the hospital, and there's really nothing better than going out and being right in the middle of all the action."

She pauses to eat another bite, and Sasuke waits for her to continue, "Now that I'm strong enough to hold my own, I'm itching to go out there and keep practicing what I've learned. Can't have the boys running around out there stealing the fun all by themselves." She grins, and he can't help but feel one corner of his lips turn up in response.

"What about you, Sasuke-kun? Wanna try going on missions again with us once your parole ends?" Her eyes are hopeful.

And so he nods. "I don't see why not."

Again it was the right decision to make, the right thing to say, because her eyes light up impossibly more, and her smile is almost blinding. "Naruto will be so jealous he can't come since he's always stuck helping Kakashi-sensei with his paperwork." She laughs. "I'll have to make sure to brag about it."

They finish eating fairly quickly, and before he knows it Sakura is cleaning up the dishes from the table and depositing them in the kitchen sink. Sasuke moves wordlessly to join her, beginning to dry the newly-washed dishes with a towel as she places them in the drying rack.

She meets his gaze as she hands him the second dish. Her lips curve upward. "Thanks, Sasuke-kun."

He holds her gaze for a few moments before turning back to the task before him. "Aa."

Once they've finished and cleaned everything up, Sakura offers him another glass of wine, to which he politely refuses. Though bitter, the wine was still just a tad too sweet for him.

"I think I'll head home for the night," he says. He's planning on getting up early tomorrow to train before too many people crowd the village.

Sakura's standing in the kitchen, leaning against the countertop. She runs a hand through her hair, and then lets her palm fall to rub against her neck. Her eyes on the floor, she says quietly, "Thanks for coming over tonight."

But then she glances up to look at him, almost shy, a soft blush staining her cheeks, and he can see how truly thankful she really is. It shines in her eyes, how much she cares for him, how much she enjoys having him around, and he wonders what kind of hero he must've been in his past life to still hold her affection after all these years.

She and Naruto never fail to surprise him. They're anomalies to him, mysteries, and he doesn't think he'll ever quite understand why he—so harsh and unforgiving in his nature, even when he doesn't truly mean it, and having committed so many crimes in his young life he doesn't think he will ever forgive himself for—has been the source of their unwavering love for so long. He may not be heartless and he may not be cruel, but still...

He doesn't deserve it. Not in the least. He especially does not deserve Sakura, not her kind heart, not her countless smiles reserved all for him, or the fact that he attempted to kill her and here she is, inviting him over like it's nothing, like she forgives him for all he's done, like he's her friend.

The thought pulls at him just a little, and for a moment he feels a sort of solemness that's entirely foreign to him. He finds himself entertaining the thought that he really should repay her for all that she's done for him but he doesn't have a clue how to go about it.

"Would you like to train with me tomorrow morning?" His mouth seems to do the work for him.

Her head snaps up quickly and her lips part in disbelief. "I-I would love to," she rushes, then pauses, and swears under her breath. "Actually, I can't. I promised Tsunade-shishou I would watch over the new interns at the hospital all day tomorrow. It's the first Saturday I'll be working in a while."

Taking her rejection in stride, not quite willing to let his effort go to waste just yet, he responds, "Another day, then."

It's all he needed to say. That beaming smile returns, finding its rightful place on her lips.

"Another day," she agrees.

* * *

That night, Sasuke falls asleep easily, mind at peace, but the subsequent nightmares are terrifying. He wakes up in the middle of the night with jolt, as he usually does when the nightmares are particularly bad, but this time it's not just the sight of his lifeless parents or Itachi's bleeding eyes that swirls around his head, still fresh from sleep.

The chirping of a million threads of lightning roars in his head. Green eyes are forever wide, and the horror in them—directed at him, at what he did, what he became—never fades.

It's a good matter of seconds before he levels out his breathing, before his chest stops heaving and he finally becomes still.

With hooded eyes, Sasuke stares at his hands that rest in his lap. His palms are facing upward, open for him to see. And the longer he stares, the harder it becomes to stop them from shaking.

Deep down inside, despite the relative calm and peace he's found these last few months in Konoha, Sasuke doesn't know if his scars from the past will ever completely vanish. Deep down, despite this new life he's starting to get used to…

He doesn't know if he'll ever be ready to truly forgive himself for what he's done.

Sasuke's mouth settles in a harsh line. He glances at the clock resting on his bedside table. 4:37 a.m.

With a sigh he decides he may as well get up and start the day. Earlier than he originally planned, but he knows the chances of him falling back asleep are extremely low. It's futile to try, really.

And so Sasuke stands from the bed, tugs on his plain black training clothes. The sky is completely dark when he steps outside, and a gust of wind sends thick black hair brushing across his face. Around him the streets of Konoha are silent, as if the city is holding its breath.

Sasuke pauses and his eyes shift upward to focus on the night sky above. It's rich and deep in color, black like his own eyes. The moon hangs full and low amongst the darkness, illuminating the night in a soft, pearlescent glow.

The wind once again sweeps by, softer this time. With eyes on the moon, he notices that his hands have stopped shaking.

Silent as the night around him, he tears his eyes away from the sky and makes his way through Konoha's slumbering streets.


	5. Chapter 5

Days go by and Sasuke becomes restless. It's been months since he returned to Konoha, and over time he became accustomed to being restrained within the village's walls, but now the urge to be outside—to be _free_ —slowly starts gnawing at him again.

For the hundredth time, he passes by the large gates leading out into the village's surrounding forest and his mouth twists into a deep scowl. Glaring at the ANBU perched on the wall above, always watching, Sasuke turns and forces himself to walk away from the gates and to the training grounds beyond.

If he couldn't do anything to the ANBU, at least the training grounds were at his disposal.

* * *

His apartment is empty, as always. Even Naruto, who usually comes to bother him at least once every few days, has been absent, busy with his Hokage training. He has a long way to go, and it'll be a good number of years before his friend will take his place as their village's leader, but still Kakashi is wasting no time in preparing Naruto for the role.

Sasuke leans back in his chair and snaps the book he was reading shut. He glances out the window, where the night is young and people mill around the streets, laughing and talking.

His index finger taps against the book's cover once, twice. Restless, indeed. Sasuke feels the urge to move, to get out of his apartment and be doing something other than _this_.

But what would he do? Where would he go?

For a brief moment, he wonders what Sakura is doing, and if she wouldn't mind his company as she usually doesn't if he were to see her.

But Sakura is probably busy with her own life, her own friends. And if him speaking to her surprises her at all, he can't imagine what her reaction would be to him showing up at her doorstep with no other motive than to simply be in her presence.

He lets out a breath of a laugh, opens his book, and continues to read.

* * *

There are times when Sasuke is alone—alone as he has been for so many years, alone in the way he's preferred ever since his family died—and he despises it.

Because when he is alone with no one else there to distract him, he thinks of everything he's done, all the pain he's caused, all the times he betrayed those close to him.

And he hates himself just a little more each time.

But today—today he gets out of bed, changes, eats breakfast. He stares out the window where the streets are deserted and heads out of his apartment with intent.

Today will be different.

* * *

Five minutes later he finds himself at Sakura's doorstep. The sun's just barely risen, and there's not a soul on the streets. Everyone's sleeping in for the weekend, it seems. For a moment Sasuke considers turning around and going back home—there's no doubt that Sakura is fast asleep as well, and who is he to wake her up at such an hour?

But he's already here, and if all he did was train by himself and sit around his apartment for the rest of the day as he always does, he might just lose it.

He knocks on her door, not bothering to be quiet with it. He waits a few moments—listening intently—and when he doesn't hear a response knocks again, even louder this time.

There's grumbling from deep inside Sakura's apartment, and Sasuke's lips curve upward as he listens to her undoubtedly curse him under her breath.

She swings the door wide open and glares at him, only for her eyes to widen when she realizes who is standing before her.

"Sasuke-kun?" she says, puzzled, and looks down the street on both sides, as if there's something else that might pop out to greet her. "What are you doing here?"

It's only been a short few seconds since she opened the door, but Sasuke can't help but notice that the air outside is quite cold. And that, he thinks, must be the reason why his gaze is drawn to the teal green t-shirt she's wearing.

The fact that she isn't wearing a bra becomes glaringly obvious to him. The outlines of her nipples, hard with the early-morning chill, pressing through the thin material of her shirt, draw his eyes immediately.

The tips of his ears grow warm, and he quickly averts his gaze, nearly drilling holes into the empty space beside her head.

"Sasuke-kun?" she questions, obviously confused.

He hasn't responded to her previous inquiry, and Sasuke clears his throat before forcing himself to meet her gaze.

She's yawning now, eyes squeezed shut, with her arms reaching toward the sky as she stretches. It doesn't help with his struggle to focus, and his eyes fall to her shirt once again.

He curses inwardly and his ears flare even more. When Sakura finally opens her eyes to look at him, he's nearly glaring at her in his attempt to regain control of his composure.

She blinks. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes," he responds, voice low and curt.

Another blink. "Well, that's good. How can I help you this morning, Sasuke-kun?" She offers him a small smile.

Finally his jaw unclenches and he breathes evenly through his nostrils. "Are you free today?"

She stares at him.

He waits patiently for her to register the words in her head, watching the grogginess in her eyes slowly give way to realization.

"Um, I don't have any concrete plans, no," she replies carefully. "Just a night shift at the hospital later on. I was just going to train today, if anything."

"May I join you?"

She studies him warily. "You woke me up at the crack of dawn just to train with me?"

He nods.

"You are something else, Sasuke-kun," she muses, and then grins at him. "Come on in—I'll get ready and we'll go."

* * *

She's fierce. Extremely so.

Sasuke doesn't know what he was expecting coming into battle with her. It certainly wasn't this.

He assumed she would be on the defense most of the time, but she's ruthless in her attacks, never giving him time to gather himself before she's whirling on him once again.

And when she is on the defense, he's barely able to touch her.

"Shit," he mutters under his breath as the ground beneath his feet gives way. He nearly becomes enveloped in the rocks rising around him, but makes it out just in time to avoid any serious injuries.

" _Shannaro!_ "

He looks up and she's in the air above him, chakra swirling around the foot she has poised at his chest. Her green eyes shine with adrenaline, pink hair a crescent of color.

Sasuke dodges neatly and not even a second later the earth explodes behind him, dust and debris chasing him as he disappears into the trees surrounding the clearing.

He stays still for a few moments to catch his breath. They've been at it for nearly half an hour, and by now the sun bathes the village in a warm glow. Sweat beads at his brow and his chest heaves a little more than he would like to admit.

Sakura is an opponent unlike any other he's fought before. She's extremely powerful and intensely destructive, yet at the same time precise and graceful—a contradiction in and of herself. He can see the constant calculations running through those bright green eyes. Every move she makes is purposeful, the byproduct of many different scenarios and plans she's put together in her head.

Sasuke watches as she rises in the still-swirling dust. Her face is matted with dirt, and there's a small tear in her red shirt from where his kunai slashed. She breathes heavily as her narrowed eyes scan the clearing.

He feels his lips curve upward the slightest degree. Her gaze moves past his hiding spot, and he strikes.

Familiar sparks of electricity claw up his arm, jumping and twisting amongst each other. The chidori screeches in the air, and he launches himself at her.

Her head whips toward him at the sound. She stiffens and in the span of mere milliseconds, her eyes lock on his, then on the mass of electricity blooming from his palm.

His intent was never to actually harm her. They might get a couple of scratches and bruises and the occasional broken bone whilst training, but never would they inflict critical damage on each other.

Sasuke knows she is fully capable of dodging the attack. He's seen her speed and agility firsthand the past thirty minutes. He _knows_ she will be okay.

But Sakura remains still, and his heart drops in his chest.

There's horror in her eyes. Bright green flashes with unrestrained fear as she stares at the chidori in his palm.

He knows then that she's not with him, that she's back on that godforsaken bridge, meeting his black eyes that have hazed over with nothingness, watching as he aims to drive his chidori straight through her heart. She's with the past him that would have ended her life in a heartbeat.

It's something he wishes he never had to remember, something that haunts him everyday. His nightmare has become reality once again.

Tears well in her eyes, her jaw clenches. And she does not move.

" _Sakura!_ " he roars.

He's able to cut off the stream of electricity mere seconds before he crashes into her. The force of his momentum has them both spiraling downward. He cradles her head to his chest, wraps his arms around her small frame, and slams into the ground.

For a moment, black spots are all that cross his vision. The back of his head throbs, and his right arm pulses with agony. The rest of his body aches with the severity of their fall.

"Sasuke-kun!"

Her frightened voice echoes in his skull and he winces.

"I'm so sorry, Sasuke-kun," she whispers.

Warmth encases his head. Her chakra weaves into him and he feels himself falling into unconsciousness as she heals him.


	6. Chapter 6

Sasuke wakes and the first thing to cross his mind is that he hasn't slept so well in a very, very long time. His entire body feels languid, calm. No nightmares entered his peaceful sleep, and he vaguely considers letting himself be lulled back into the warmth of slumber as light touches caress his head.

But his shinobi senses—the ones that tell him to always be alert, always be wary of his surroundings—warn him otherwise. He blinks his eyes open, and it's a few moments before they adjust to the dim lighting.

"You're awake," a soft voice says above him.

His gaze narrows at the source of the voice, but he relaxes when he recognizes Sakura's pensive green eyes.

His head is resting in her lap, he realizes. He's lying on her bed in what he assumes is her bedroom, cushioned with blankets and pillows all around. Her fingers were playing at his scalp earlier, massaging it gently, but she stops now, as if afraid he will berate her for doing so without his permission.

She tucks her hands at her sides and asks, "How do you feel?" Her eyes are wary, body tense—unsure of how he'll react after their mishap at the training grounds.

Sasuke thinks that he should probably rise and discuss this with her face to face instead of viewing her upside down from his place in her lap, but now that he's certain he's not in any danger, he relaxes once again.

His eyes close, and he can nearly feel her shock as he reaches to grab her hand and place it back on his head. "I'm fine," he says lowly, voice husky from sleep. "Keep going."

Sakura hesitates for a moment before continuing on with her previous massage. She's quiet for a short minute. Then: "I have nightmares. Not every night, but often enough."

Ah. So he isn't the only one plagued at night by memories of the past.

Sasuke opens his eyes to watch her wordlessly.

"It used to be worse," she continues. Her gaze focuses on the wall across from her without really seeing it. "I would wake up screaming almost every night, thrashing around, trying to get away…"

Sakura looks down at him almost guiltily. He prepares himself for what she has to say, knowing fully well what it is, but still when she speaks, the words cut into him deeply, relentlessly. They fill him with a sense of self-loathing he's been familiar with for years but that he's come to almost forget these last few months. His blood rages with it, making his muscles tense, his jaw clench.

"...trying to get away from you," she finishes quietly. She senses his suddenly rigid posture and the hand in his hair moves to squeeze his shoulder softly. "In my nightmares, it was like I was reliving the past—at that bridge—over and over again. Over time, I could barely see you in person...could barely meet your eyes without thinking that you hated me and never wanted to see me again. I couldn't get the nightmares out of my head." She winces. "And I felt so horrible, Sasuke." She leaves out the honorific from his name and it sounds so wrong to him. "I hated myself for what I did to you. I hated myself for being such a nuisance to you in the past. But most of all, I hated myself for not doing more to be a good friend to you...for not being enough to stop you from leaving. And to think that I actually tried to kill you…"

Her lips tremble and she looks away. The raging storm inside of him peaks, and he's just about to leap up from her lap and disappear—out of her apartment to a place where he can tear into something, anything, where he can unleash his frustration at himself for making her feel so unworthy when she deserves to feel loved and cherished and _important_ —when she finally meets his gaze again and a wavering smile plays on her lips.

"Every time I see you these days...I don't know how to act around you or talk to you. I get flustered when I'm with you because I'm so afraid that you'll hate me for who I was in the past. I was weak." She frowns. It's a sore word for her. "But you've been nothing but kind to me since you returned. Not once have you given me a reason to believe that you dislike me. I just—I don't know what to think of it. My nightmares have almost disappeared completely. Being around you, laughing with you, spending time with you...it gives me hope, even though you're hard to read and I swear I can never tell what you're actually thinking."

The fire within him calms immensely with her words. His heart rate slows, and he unwinds once more into her touch. Her fingers graze his upper bicep and rest there casually, but she doesn't seem to notice—it's instinct to her, to be nurturing and affectionate to those around her. Usually Sasuke would despise such contact. He would jerk away and glare in such a way so that the perpetrator would never dare to touch him again.

But it feels different with Sakura. It always has. Even when she hugged him in the Forest of Death all those years ago, effectively bringing him back to earth when he's sure he would have otherwise lost all sense of himself and gone on a killing spree—even then, her touch was welcome, and he relished in it.

Sakura's green gaze grows somber in a way he's never seen before. "I'm going to be completely honest with you, Sasuke." Again with the lack of suffix. He frowns up at her, but she rushes on, eager—desperate—to tell him what she has to say. "Today, while we were training, I realized that I'm not okay—not yet. I saw your chidori aimed at me and I was so terrified I couldn't move. It was like my nightmare had come to life, and even though I knew deep down that you weren't trying to harm me...in that moment, I was back on the bridge again and I truly thought that you wanted me gone. That you were going to kill me. And I would've allowed you to, because I told myself in that moment that I deserved it." At that last sentence, her voice cracks, and he sees the pain—a reflection of his own self-loathing, burning and very much so alive—in her usually cheerful eyes.

He's speaking before he can stop himself, something that betrays the self-control he's worked so hard to master, because he cannot stand to see that look in her eyes, cannot stand to think even for a second that she hates _herself_ even close to as much as he hates _himself_.

"Sakura, I—"

She interrupts him before he can say anything more, building speed with every word. "I still have a lot of things to come to terms with about myself, but I…" A deep breath. "I would very much like to be your friend, Sasuke-kun. If you'll allow me. It won't happen overnight, and that's okay—I'd like to think there's no harm in trying. Neither of us will ever forget the past, but I'm tired of running away from my fears." She smiles a small smile. "You've been a fear of mine for quite some time, whether I wanted to admit it or not. Training today forced me to think about a lot of things I shouldn't have been hiding from myself, or from you. I want to be honest from now on. I want to change."

And this Sakura—this Sakura is one he thought he knew, but it's become obvious that that can't be further from the truth.

"I'm sorry, Sakura," he responds quietly, because there isn't much else he can think of to say, and because although he's apologized before—after he and Naruto blew each other's arms off and they lay bleeding at the Valley of the End—he feels the weight of it now more than ever before. And it's not enough, will never be enough to account for what he did in the past, for the pain he's caused her all these years. But it's a start. "Truly. For everything. I'm sorry."

Sakura's fingers, having moved back to his head as if without her realizing, still from their place at his temple. He watches the emotions play in her eyes—the shock, the perplexity, the quiet elation.

She smiles and it's blinding. "Thank you, Sasuke-kun," she whispers. "That means more to me than you'll ever know."

A start, indeed.

* * *

Sakura becomes a constant in his life.

Sasuke finds that his days feel strange without her presence, even though she's busy more often than not and can only find the time to train with him a few times each week. Still, he'll go weeks without seeing her, with her off on missions or sent to other Hidden Villages in need of her medical prowess, and he becomes impatient as the days go by.

And when he's out in the village, his head turns at any sign of pink, eyes searching for the source—it's an instinct he's developed no matter how hard he tries to fight it.

"Oi, teme."

Sasuke cuts his gaze to look at the blond and raises a brow ever so slightly.

Naruto squints at him from his seat on the tree branch. They're taking a short rest after their training session, perched in one of the highest trees in the clearing, overlooking the village below.

"You might as well just ask her to join us if you're gonna keep staring at her like that," Naruto deadpans.

Sasuke glares at him and looks away.

The blond chuckles lightly beside him, but he brushes it off.

And there she is. He was up far enough in the tree to catch a glimpse of her pink hair as she strolled through the village gates, returning from a mission that kept her away for the last week. His eyes followed her as she passed down the streets, greeting people as she went.

She's currently stopped just before passing a building that would have blocked his view, talking to a tall man with tousled brown hair. Sasuke can't see the man's face, but he says something and Sakura blushes, smiling softly.

Sasuke clears his throat. "I don't know what you're talking about," he says cooly.

Naruto barks a laugh. Sasuke glares once again.

"Whatever you say, teme," the blond replies happily, and jumps off the tree to the ground below. "Ready for me to kick your ass for the second time today?"

Sasuke sighs. "Can't do something twice if it never happened in the first place, dobe," he shoots back, and leaps down to join his friend.

* * *

He launches himself into the forest surrounding Konoha, and it's liberating in a way he hasn't felt in a long, long time. Today is the first day he's allowed outside the village, and while several ANBU still trail him, he takes no notice of them as he flies through the trees at breakneck speed.

The wind whips his hair—long now after months without a trim—into a frenzy and his eyes sting with tears. The sun rises to the east, turning the sky into a gradient of midnight blues and washed-out yellows. It's cool out, a misty haze still creeping over the forest ground, and it feels like freedom.

He doesn't stop for another thirty minutes, and the ANBU take another five to catch up to him. He can hear their heaving intakes of breath from behind him. If he wanted to, he could have outrun them and be halfway to Suna by now, but he's taking small, gradual steps in regaining the village's trust, and he doesn't want to ruin his effort.

Sasuke tilts his head back and closes his eyes, letting the soft breeze curl around him, breathing in the crisp scent of the trees, listening to the wind rustle through them. He stays still for a long time, mind blank. He soaks everything in and allows himself a moment of peace, surrounded by nature, basking in it.

Minutes or hours later—he doesn't know and doesn't care—Sasuke finally turns and heads back to the village.

No nightmares haunt him that night. He sleeps soundly, and awakes feeling more at home than he has in far too long.

* * *

He and Sakura are sitting at her dining table, various weapons strewn out before them. They originally planned to train today, but it's uncharacteristically hot for this late in the year, and Sakura declared that she would rather stay inside and finally clean the weapons she left unkempt for so long instead of dying of heatstroke whilst training. Sasuke—while thinking that she was being a little dramatic—decided he would prefer to be in her presence rather than train alone, and so he joined her.

He pauses in the action of cleaning his chokutō, holding it in one hand and sipping water out of a cup with the other before glancing up to observe the woman across from him. Sakura's brows are furrowed as she sharpens her many kunai, working with quick, precise movements. She holds one up to inspect it closely, green eyes narrowed in concentration.

She's dressed in casual wear today, sporting a plain red tank top and fitted black shorts. Her hair is tied back into a high ponytail with bangs framing her face and stray pieces falling over her brow. Sakura claimed earlier that she was too cheap to run the air conditioner outside of summer time, and so her skin appears dewy in the warm room as she wipes a hand across her forehead before leaning back in her chair and heaving a deep sigh.

"It's hot," she groans.

Sasuke blinks, aware that he has just spent the last twenty or so seconds focused solely on his teammate, and places his own weapon down on the table.

"Are you done?" he asks.

Her eyes flicker to his.

"No," she answers simply. "But it's hot, and I'm in the mood for some strawberry ice cream. Care to join me?" She grins at him.

Sasuke nods at her, and as they walk side by side down the streets of Konoha, his eyes follow her continuous smile. She radiates delight and merriment everywhere she goes—heads turn as she passes by, people wave and greet her endlessly.

Finally she gets her ice cream, and they sit at a nearby park, relaxing on a bench in the shade of a large pine tree. He watches as she brings the spoon to her mouth, and her eyes close as she nearly moans aloud. "This tastes so good," she sighs, content. "Just what I needed."

Sakura notices his gaze moments before taking a second bite. She meets his eyes, then looks down at her spoon, and back at him again. Clearing her throat and with a miniscule smile, she asks meekly, "Wanna try some?"

Not allowing himself to hesitate, he leans forward and closes his mouth around her spoon, pulling the portion off as if it's the most natural thing in the world.

She watches, nearly gaping, as he swallows the ice cream; slowly his nose wrinkles in disgust, and he frowns.

"Too sweet," he mutters.

Sakura expels a short, breathy laugh. "I know. You don't like sweets. Why'd you even try it then?"

Sasuke shrugs, not meeting her curious eyes. "You offered."

She stares at him. Shaking her head, she focuses back on her dessert. "You're strange," she comments nonchalantly, and takes another bite.

He snorts. "And you're annoying."

Sakura bursts into laughter at this, nearly dropping her ice cream in the process.

And the frown lifts from his lips ever so slightly as he watches her.


	7. Chapter 7

The warm weather carries on for the rest of the week, and Naruto insists on dragging their team out to Konoha's resident lake for a swim.

"We have to take advantage of the heat before winter comes!" he yells at Sasuke's porch, banging on the door so hard the Uchiha—who attempts to ignore the blond as he sits on the couch inside, casually reading a book—is slightly worried he'll break it to pieces. "Sasuke-teme! C'mon! Sasuke-temeeeee!"

After another few seconds of incessant pounding and Naruto's threat to kick down the door if Sasuke doesn't answer, he pulls the door open, glaring, and fifteen minutes later finds himself walking beside the blond—clothed in a black t-shirt and navy blue swim trunks—as they make their way to the lake.

"Sakura-chan will be sad if you're not there," Naruto complained earlier once he made it inside his friend's apartment, rummaging through Sasuke's cabinets to see if there were any snacks even though the Uchiha had told him multiple times there weren't. "She told me she was looking forward to spending time with y—ah-ha! You liar!" Naruto reached into a cabinet and held out a bag of chips, grinning victoriously. "I knew you had to have something."

Naruto happily tore open the bag and shoved a handful in his mouthful. He chewed for a second, and then his face turned a pale shade of green as he promptly turned his head to the side and spat out the contents of his mouth. Sasuke watched the scene in muted disgust.

"Ack, gross, teme!" Naruto cried, holding a hand up to his neck as he dramatically pretended to choke. "That shit must be ten years over its expiration date."

"They're not expired, dobe," Sasuke replied, scowling at the mess on his recently cleaned kitchen floor. "They're dried tomato chips."

"Dried what?" Naruto asked, gazing at the Uchiha as if he had three heads. "Who the hell eats vegetables as a snack?"

"Technically, tomatoes are a fruit," Sasuke deadpanned. "And I can eat whatever the hell I want, dobe."

Naruto choked once again, but this time it wasn't due to the horrid "snack" he'd just attempted to consume. Staring at Sasuke in utter disbelief, he gasped, "What the—did you just make a joke?"

"Hn. Dumbass."

In the end, after a number of glares from Sasuke and endless bullshit reasons from Naruto as to why he should come, Sasuke snapped that he would join them if only the blond would shut up already.

Naruto whooped joyously at this. "Ha! I knew you couldn't resist spending time with me, teme."

"I'm going for Sakura," Sasuke responded immediately, narrowing his eyes. "Don't think so highly of yourself, dobe." He'd meant the statement to be used solely as a way to piss Naruto off, but he realized upon speaking that it wasn't entirely untrue—it'd been a week since he saw their pink-haired teammate—and also noticed that instead of throwing a fit as expected, the blond merely grinned devilishly.

"Of course, of course," Naruto said in a sing-song voice. "How could I forget that little Sasuke-chan would be missing his girlfriend?"

"Sakura is not my girlfriend," Sasuke sighed, irate. "And if you don't stop fucking around, dobe, you can go by yourself."

Naruto finally snapped to attention. "I was just kidding. It was a joke! A joke!" Grinning, he bounded to the door, calling behind him, "I'll wait for you outside. And bring your bathing suit, teme—I'm gonna kick your ass at swimming!"

Currently they've reached the edge of the forest on the outskirts of Konoha. Trees slowly give way to a vast clearing, and a relatively large lake comes into view before them, water glistening with the light of the sun above. The sky is virtually free of any clouds; birds chirp through the air, over the trees.

Finished taking in his surroundings, Sasuke's eyes immediately land upon a splash of pink in a patch of grass near the water's edge moments before Naruto calls excitedly, "Sakura-chan!"

Sakura's head jerks up, and he can see the wideness of her smile even at this distance. She's lying on her stomach atop a bright blue towel, propped up on her elbows as she reads a book.

"Naruto! Sasuke-kun!" She places her book down and jumps to her feet, jogging to meet them.

The movement makes him acutely aware of the fact that she's wearing nothing but a pale green bikini. Her breasts, small yet full and noticeably perky, bounce lightly in the triangle confines of her top as she makes her way to them, and his jaw unhinges slightly at the sight, mouth going dry. His eyes take in the toned planes of her stomach, the slimness of her waist that flares out into gently rounded hips. Every inch of her is lean and muscular—a shinobi through and through—yet softened with supple, feminine curves.

In the midst of his blatant perusal of her body that leaves him feeling extremely warm, Sasuke takes note of a short, thin white scar that runs vertically up the left side of her stomach. Besides that, the rest of her body is void of imperfections—he figures she must heal her wounds thoroughly enough to not leave any marks behind, and can't help but wonder why this one scar remains.

"You're late, Naruto," Sakura growls at the blond as she comes to a stop before them. She crosses her arms under her chest, breasts pushing up and together at the movement—Sasuke's ears flare at this in a manner that is becoming disgustingly common to him lately; he wills himself to cool down as he forcefully drags his gaze away from her chest—and shifts the weight of her body to one leg. "What took you so long?"

"Aw, Sakura-chan, don't be mad," Naruto whines. "I'm only late because I was trying to convince the teme to come. You should be happy I was able to drag him here!"

Sakura hums in response, and it's with every ounce of Sasuke's control that he meets her gaze when she turns her focus to him. "I have to say I am pretty surprised you came, Sasuke-kun." She smiles.

His mouth is an impassive line. "Hn. The dobe wouldn't shut his mouth."

Naruto cackles gleefully. "Works like a charm," he says, then reaches forward and grabs a hold of Sakura's hand, pulling her with him as he runs toward the lake. "Let's go swimming, Sakura-chan!"

Sakura slaps at Naruto's arm but she's laughing as she follows him. "Let me go, Naruto! It's gonna be freezing!"

Sasuke trails along at a much slower pace, hands in the pockets of his swim trunks, watching them as they run. Naruto turns his head to Sakura, eyes closed and mouth pulled into a wide, toothy smile. Sakura's returning grin is just as wide and her eyes shine with pure, unbidden delight as she laughs.

Sasuke watches them—the two people who fought tooth and nail for him, who did everything in their power to bring him back from the darkness that consumed him for so long, and who, he thinks with startling clarity, mean more to him than anything else in the world—and neither of them see the small, content curve of his lips as he follows them.

* * *

Naruto spends several minutes trying to convince Sakura to jump in with him, but she touches one toe to the water and tells Naruto she'll walk in slowly on her own to get used to the chilliness of it. The blond pouts at this, but then Sasuke sees a mischievous look flash in his eyes, and he inches slowly behind Sakura in what Sasuke can tell is an attempt to push her in.

Naruto's barely extended his hands five inches away from his body when Sakura spins around with alarming speed and has him pushed face-first into the dirt in the next second.

"I will castrate you if you try that again," she growls, pinning his arms to his back in a crushing grip. "You got that, Naruto?"

Naruto mumbles something into the ground, and Sakura grabs a fist full of blond hair to yank his head up. "What was that?" she barks.

"I said I got it, Sakura-chan," Naruto groans, dirt plastered to his face.

With a satisfied nod, Sakura releases him and rises to her feet. "That's what I thought," she says, pleased.

Naruto pushes himself from the ground and sulks for a total of three seconds before he's grinning again. "You two party-poopers do what you want," he tells them, whipping his shirt off and moving toward the water's edge. "I'm going in."

Naruto backs up to get a running start before launching himself into the clear water with a boisterous shout of joy. Sakura laughs at the sudden shriek of "Holy fucking shit this water is freezing!" that escapes the blond's mouth when he resurfaces. Sasuke follows with a mutter of "Dobe" under his breath.

"Just because it's nice outside doesn't mean the water isn't still cold!" Sakura shouts at him through cupped hands.

Naruto splutters and disappears under the water again. When he resurfaces this time, there's a huge smile on his face. "It's not so bad if you've been in it for a while! C'monnnnnn, Sakura-chan!"

"I'll be there in a little bit, I promise," she calls back, and Sasuke sees her eye the water with disdain. Still, she holds true to her word, and steps forward to make her way slowly into the lake.

Sasuke's head jerks toward the blond again when he suddenly yells, "I challenge you to a race, teme!"

Naruto has one arm lifted out of the water, his index finger pointed at Sasuke, blue eyes narrowed.

"You're an idiot," Sasuke merely shoots back, and instead chooses to join Sakura in her gradual immersion into the water, pulling off his shirt and tossing it to the side as he goes.

Off in the middle of the lake, Naruto gives a sudden yelp and Sasuke hears him growl, "Damn fish! I'm going to get you!" followed by a procession of loud splashes.

Sakura giggles quietly from beside the Uchiha. Her lips are quirked in amusement; her eyes, however, are fond as she gazes out over the water at their teammate.

"Oh, Naruto," she laughs quietly, voice warm with affection. "I hope you never lose that infectious spirit of yours, you big dummy."

Sasuke isn't entirely sure whether or not she meant for him to hear her, but he mutters anyway, "Don't worry. There's no getting rid of the stupidity in him."

Sakura turns her head to meet his eyes. She stares at him for a short moment, as if forgetting he was there, and then a slow smile grows on her face. "You're right," she chuckles. "I think it's stuck with him forever."

"Oi! Love birds!" Naruto cries, forcing them to turn their attention back to the blond. "Stop fucking each other with your eyes and get in here already!"

Sakura's expression turns deadly, and Sasuke is relieved he's not on the receiving end of her anger as she promptly steps onto the water with chakra-laden feet and stalks toward the blond.

"Ack! Hold up a second, Sakura-chan! I was just joking! I'm sorry! Really! I swear I didn't mean—"

Naruto's words are cut off as Sakura lets out a roar and pounces on him, fist swirling with chakra. The blond only has time to yelp in fear before they both disappear underwater, waves splashing all around.

Sasuke merely sighs, shakes his head, and continues to wade in on his own.

* * *

Naruto, of course, spends the rest of their time in the water challenging Sasuke to various contests, ranging from who can catch the most fish in their bare hands to who's able to hold their breath the longest. Sasuke refuses to partake in any of them, and threatens to electrocute the blond through the water if he doesn't shut up.

Naruto mutters under his breath that the Uchiha isn't any fun and makes use of his many shadow clones to keep himself entertained. A hundred Narutos splash around in the water, running over it, yelling at each other incessantly.

Sasuke and Sakura both roll their eyes and, having soaked in the water long enough, make their way toward dry land.

Sakura reaches the shore and steps out first, water rolling off her body in rivulets that catch the glare of the sun. She shakes her hair out in an attempt to dislodge some of the water, ruffling it with her fingers, then reaches her hands to adjust the tie of her bikini top.

The movement draws his attention to her back, and he freezes momentarily when his gaze lands upon the scar he finds there. It's a copy of the scar he found on her stomach earlier, reversed and in the same position.

_"Wait, Sakura-chan!" Naruto shouts as she sprints toward Madara and Obito, arms flung out behind her and determination narrowing her gaze._

_And it's instinct, really. Despite everything between them, Sasuke's mind recognizes that a certain someone with pink hair is in danger, and his body reacts instantly, leaving no room for hesitation. He and Naruto take off in the next second as they chase after her._

_But he's not fast enough, and she impales herself on Madara's weapon. Adrenaline and cold fury flood his veins, fueling the chidori that forms in his palm._

_To his surprise, however, the spear doesn't stop her in the slightest. Sakura draws her fist back and he's sure she would have broken Madara's face if the elder Uchiha's shadow weren't protecting him._

_Naruto launches himself forward to retrieve her, as Sasuke inherently knew he would, leaving him to provide offensive coverage. His chidori doesn't do much against Madara's shield, and he's blasted back in the dirt, crouching to the ground to absorb the impact._

_Naruto yanks the spear out of Sakura's abdomen in one fluid motion, and Sasuke flickers his eyes to them for a fraction of a second to ensure that she's okay_ — _indeed, her wound has already closed over due to her impressive healing capabilities, leaving smooth, unmarked skin in its wake_ — _before turning to glare at the enemy again, brows drawn together and jaw tight. He can't afford to worry about her for long, especially since she's more than capable of healing herself_ — _he needs to focus with all his energy if they're to have a chance against the two other Uchihas._

Sasuke stares at her back, quietly perplexed. He's sure she wasn't left with a scar from her wound during the War, and adding to that is the fact that the thin line marring her skin is on the opposite side from where Madara stabbed her. His mouth pulls into a shallow frown and his brows furrow.

"Sasuke-kun?"

His eyes flick up to Sakura's face, and he realizes he hasn't moved from his place halfway out of the water.

"Are you coming?" she asks, brows raised in question from where she stands ahead of him, waiting.

Forcing himself to focus, he nods and moves to her side once again.

"I brought extra towels for you and Naruto," Sakura tells him, leading him to where her towel lies in the patch of grass, a large canvas bag resting next to it. "I figured you'd forget."

She reaches into her bag and pulls out a dark navy blue towel, holding it out to him. It's exactly a color he would choose for himself, and he replies quietly, "Aa. Thank you."

Sakura simply smiles. "Gotta take care of my boys," she says, and shrugs.

Sasuke looks at her as she stretches out on her back over her towel and thinks that they are, indeed, hers. In a way, Sakura has always been a sort of mother figure to he and Naruto—full of warmth and concern, stern when she needed to be and worrying over them more than they ever worried about themselves.

Sakura grins up at him and pats the space beside her in the grass. "Come join me, Sasuke-kun. I think we could both use a little tan."

Sasuke unfolds the towel she gave him and lays it out flat next to her. He lowers himself to the ground and mirrors her position, arms at his side, staring up at the clear blue sky.

His mind wanders and he feels compelled to ask. "That scar on your stomach," he begins slowly, voice low and rough. "How did you get it?"

He sees her turn her head to look at him out of the corner of his eye, but he remains still, gaze fixed on a single cloud moving slowly through the sky.

"You saw that, huh?" she murmurs, and shifts her head back.

His silence is enough of an answer for her, because a few moments later she continues softly, "Does the name Sasori ring a bell?"

Sasuke is silent. Then: "Of the Akatsuki?"

"Yup. The very one," is all she says, as if that is enough of an answer for him.

It's not. "You were impaled?"

"Yes." Sakura's voice is calm and steady yet distant at the same time. He wonders at the memories that must be flashing through her mind as she speaks. "It was a long time ago, before the War. A group of us were trailing Sasori and Deidara to try to stop them from extracting the Ichibi from Gaara. We failed, obviously," she says, remorse and sorrow evident in her words. "I fought Sasori along with an elder from Suna named Chiyo. Despite her age, she was an extremely talented shinobi, and I wouldn't have been able to defeat him without her. I'd only just met her, but I respected her a lot. Towards the end of our fight...he was about to kill her, and I jumped in front of his sword instead." She pauses. "We ended up defeating him, but Chiyo-sama gave up her life to save Gaara after. I left the scar there as a reminder of her sacrifice." Another pause, then a small laugh escapes her lips. "Now that I think about it, I do seem to have a habit of getting myself stabbed."

Sasuke sighs and closes his eyes. "It's not something to joke about, Sakura."

She chuckles once again. "Worried about me, Sasuke-kun?" she asks, lighthearted.

His Rinnegan eye opens to focus on her. She's gazing happily at the sky, features relaxed as she rests comfortably on her towel beside him.

"You seem to have no care for your own body," he states flatly, unamused at her antics.

"I'm a medic ninja, Sasuke-kun. It'll take a lot more than a simple sword to kill me. You can trust me on that one."

"Hn." Again he closes both eyes. "You're just as reckless as Naruto."

"Yeah," she replies quietly, a smile evident in her voice. "I guess I am."


	8. Chapter 8

A few weeks later, sans a prior notice or warning, Sasuke receives a note from Kakashi saying in a few short, simple words that Itachi's grave was finished.

With no body to hold a proper funeral, placing a headstone at the cemetery was the only thing that could be done, and it seems that Kakashi did just that.

He reads the note over and over again until the words blur together and he can't bear to look at it anymore. The news—it jars him in a way he did not expect. For one, because he didn't even think about it, truthfully. He's never been one to visit graves, especially since his clan takes up an entire plot of land to themselves and the one time he did try to visit—three months after the massacre, when he was lost and furious and lonely and needed something, anything to relieve the pain that made him want to scream at the world until his voice broke as much as his heart and he simply couldn't scream anymore—he only lasted for thirty seconds before he threw up violently on the ground and sprinted out of there faster than he's ever ran before but still not fast enough and _goddammit why, Itachi, why did you turn our family into a sea of headstones?_

Two, because it means that Itachi is being recognized by the village for the sacrifices he made in this simple manner and it is not enough. Nothing will ever be enough to account for the life Itachi gave up so that the rest of the village could live in peace and harmony. In the past, Sasuke would have run to Kakashi, yanked him by the collar and snarled that this didn't make things okay in the slightest and he was stupid if he thought even for a second that it did—a simple fucking headstone almost seemed like a way of mocking his brother's life, cheapening it, as if a piece of rock could thank him for his sacrifice and leave it at that.

But Sasuke clutches the piece of paper in his hand and takes long, deep breaths. He knows that Kakashi meant no harm by it. If anything, Sasuke has the feeling that it was something the blond idiot put their new Hokage up to. He knows that they merely mean to respect his brother, and it's for that reason that he takes several minutes to calm down before allowing himself to step out of the apartment.

Sasuke's intention is to head straight to the cemetery, but he finds himself wandering, an invisible force driving his steps as he makes his way through Konoha's streets. It's midday—he was home eating lunch when he received the message—and various food stands are open on the streets, people milling around, stray cats padding softly through alleyways.

Sasuke passes by Ichiraku's and hears Naruto's loud voice coming from behind the drapes of the small ramen place followed by a shy, feminine giggle. The orange of Naruto's pants peeks through the bottom of the curtains, and Sasuke glances at them for a mere moment before continuing on through the streets.

People give him looks as he walks. They always do. He's used to it by now, used to the side glances, the furtive whispering and the gasps of fear. There's a lot less of them now—to his surprise, some villagers have even taken to the complete opposite, thanking him for his part in winning the War and welcoming him home whenever they see him—but still he finds it hard to ignore them.

Sasuke keeps his head down, hands in his pockets, as he turns corner after corner, circling about the village for what seems like hours. It's only when he notices the sun nearly brushing the horizon that he looks up and finds himself standing in front of the cemetery.

It's empty and ashen. The grass, the trees in the distance, the hundreds upon hundreds of headstones that litter the ground—they're all cast in grey, color seemingly stripped away and replaced with a solemn haze, a distinct chill sharpening the air.

Sasuke clenches his teeth and forces himself to step forward.

He remembers the location of his family's graves as if he were there yesterday. They're off in the corner of the graveyard and take up an eerily large amount of space. Sasuke picks his way through the headstones slowly, every muscle in his body tense, straining, not wanting to be there for even a millisecond longer.

But still he walks, and the moment Sasuke reaches his immediate family's graves and his eyes land upon the freshly planted headstone of his late brother, he finds it hard to take his next breath.

 _Uchiha Itachi_ , it reads. _Brother, son, and martyr. A shinobi unlike any other whose sacrifices will never be forgotten. May he finally Rest In Peace._

His entire being grows still and he does not breathe. His hooded eyes—fixated upon the headstone, unblinking and dull—reflect a sort of emptiness that speaks of a past plagued with countless nights alone.

Sasuke's jaw tightens to the point that it's painful. His fingers dig into his palms and pierce the skin there, drawing blood.

And the graveyard—the graveyard is grey and barren yet crushingly, overwhelmingly haunted with the ghosts of his family. The wind howls through the trees and it turns his blood to ice yet sets it on fire at the same time.

_"You don't have to forgive me," Itachi says, and his hand curls around the back of Sasuke's head, pulling their faces together until their foreheads touch and Sasuke finds himself staring into his brother's eyes—so incredibly alive and full of tenderness despite the fact that Itachi is dead, merely an animated corpse brought to life once again, wilting away as he speaks._

_"No matter what you decide to do from now on," Itachi continues, voice warm, smile wide, and Sasuke feels himself shattering impossibly more at the sight as he finishes, "...I will love you forever."_

_And in that moment Sasuke knows that his brother loves him more than anything else in the world and always has, and it's too late and_ fuck, nii-san, please don't go—

_But he's gone. Just like that. And Sasuke is left feeling more lost than he ever has before._

He should've known. He should've fucking known he wasn't ready for this. It's all too much for him to handle at once—too soon. He misses his brother with every cell in his body in that moment, hates _himself_ so much he nearly chokes on it, standing there with Itachi's headstone sticking out of the ground because Sasuke is the one who killed the person who loved him most, and it's more than his self-control can bear.

In his haste to get anywhere that isn't the cemetery, to somehow tear himself away from the grief pulsing through his very bones, Sasuke almost misses the small, innocent-looking bouquet of flowers that rests at the foot of Itachi's grave. Shock and confusion anchor him where he stands, and he whips his head around, eyes narrowed, searching for whoever left it. His blood boils, because if this is some sort of sick joke he will not hesitate to take down whoever is behind it.

The crunch of a leaf behind him. He whirls around, muscled coiled, prepared to shift into action—

"Whoa there," a rough, age-worn voice lets out.

The owner of the voice is a small, frail-looking old woman with pale, wrinkled skin and bright white hair pulled into a bun at the back of her head. She's holding a bouquet of flowers in her hands, clutching at them as she gazes at him in surprise.

Sasuke's hand stills from where it rests on the handle of his chokutō. He doesn't sense any harmful intent coming from the woman, but still he can't find it in him to relax his body. The Sharingan whirls, lavender and crimson mismatched eyes narrowed at the old woman before him.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today," she mutters, pulling the fabric of her wool cardigan tighter around her minuscule body with one hand and gripping the bouquet of flowers tight with the other. "Why so angry, young man?"

Sasuke merely pulls his hand away from his chokutō and deactivates his Sharingan. Takes a shallow breath, and then makes to step around her and away from the cemetery.

"You're Uchiha Itachi's kid brother, aren't ya?"

Her words have him stilling, twisting his head to stare at her heavily.

She nods at him and gestures with her free hand to his brother's grave, her deep brown eyes softening in her wrinkled face. "I left those flowers for him earlier. I had no idea the Rokudaime had his headstone created. It was about damn time, though."

Sasuke frowns, suspicious. "You knew my brother?" he questions sharply.

"No need to get all worked up, boy," she huffs, then pauses. The wind blows around them relentlessly, causing fallen leaves to swirl in the air in a flurry of red and orange. Quietly this time she rasps, "I knew him only for a bit, when he was still a child and you a mere babe. I used to own a restaurant with my late husband and would make trips to the market every Monday and Thursday to buy supplies. I'm older now, but even back then my joints were failing me, and one day I nearly collapsed from carrying all the bags with me." Her eyes grow fond as she recalls the memory. "Itachi was there that day and offered to help carry them, bless his soul. For the next year or so he would always suspiciously appear on the days I went to the market and carry my bags. Such a kind boy he was." A small smile crinkles the edges of her mouth and the lines around her eyes as she looks at Itachi's grave. "He would always smile and listen to whatever story I had to tell, even though he didn't speak much. The only times I could get him to really open up were when I asked about you. I'd never seen someone so young love another person so fiercely before."

Sasuke bows his head and is silent.

"It's the six-year anniversary of my husband's death today," the woman says quietly. "His grave is close to those of your clan, and I was coming to drop off some flowers to him when I noticed a new headstone had been added. I paid my respects to your brother and left him the bouquet I originally bought, then left to buy another because my husband would curse me from the heavens above if I didn't bring him his sunflowers. They've always been his favorite." She chuckles lightly. "I was just making my way back here when I saw you."

Words refuse to find purchase on his lips, and he clenches his hands into fists to stop them from shaking.

"You know," the woman adds, "even after I heard about the massacre all those years ago, I always believed that Itachi must've had his reasons—he was simply too good a person."

Sasuke's shoulders slump, and he feels the urge to crumble to the ground and lie there at the foot of his brother's grave until the grief and agony eat him alive. But his body refuses to move and he can do nothing but stand there in silence, listening.

"It made me happy to see Itachi finally being recognized by the village like he deserves," she continues in that hoarse, low voice. "Even though there's truly nothing that can speak of the sacrifices he made, it's nice to at least be able to come here and visit him. I'm sure he's looking down at us even now."

Slowly, achingly, Sasuke lifts his head and stares at the sky above. It's no longer grey and dreary, but rather a sea of clouds, bright against the pastel blue of the sky. He imagines Itachi watching over him, protecting him even from wherever it is he is now, loving him still, and it's exactly what he finds he needs. The wind suddenly doesn't seem so cold anymore. His hands relax, resting open at his sides.

"Keep on living, Uchiha-san," the old woman tells him. "Be happy, and make the most out of life despite the hardships that come with it. It's what Itachi would want."

A deep breath. His eyes close, and the wind caresses his skin as he responds quietly, "I'll try."


	9. Chapter 9

It's five in the morning and Sasuke curses himself for not grabbing a coat before heading out into the village. Fog hangs in the air, chilling him to the core, but he is too stubborn to turn back. He'll warm up quickly when he starts training anyway, and so he hops onto the nearest roof, determined to make the trip as short as possible instead of strolling casually through the streets as he usually does.

Sasuke is halfway to the training grounds when he spots a minuscule splash of pink to his left, bright against the grey fog. Immediately he stops, his body reacting instinctively to the color as it's come to these days. His head whips to the left and there, on a bench some few hundred feet away in the fog yet clearly visible to his Rinnegan eye, sits Sakura.

She's near the entrance to the village—on the same bench he left her upon all those years ago, at the beginning of his downfall, when he realized the extent of her feelings for him. She's hunched over, elbows resting on her thighs and forehead pressed into her palms, covering her face.

Concern for her settles heavily in his chest. He's moving before fully making the decision to, and the moment he's beside her he notices the quiet sobs shaking her small form.

Shock reels through him, followed by an unexpected and sudden sense of anguish at seeing her cry that has him quickly dropping to sit next to her.

"Sakura." He meant for his voice to be firm, steady—instead it is nothing more than a quiet plea.

She stiffens and slowly raises her head. Her lack of reaction to his initial presence worries him. She should have sensed him a long time ago, and the fact that she is only just realizing he's there has him frowning at her, his concern for her growing.

Green eyes—bright and glassy with tears—meet his, and she lets out a weak, "Sasuke-kun?"

It's strange. One moment he is beside her, taking in the tears streaking her face and the agony in her normally cheerful eyes, and in the next a hoarse, broken cry escapes her lips, and she is in his arms.

It's strange. Her small frame presses against his and she buries her face in his shoulder, hands pulling at the sleeves of his shirt as she cries. She is completely, utterly invading the personal space that he so cautiously guards.

And it's strange—because he doesn't push her away. Instead, not knowing exactly what the best course of action is but wanting to comfort her—since when did he comfort others?—regardless, his hand settles on the small of her back and he turns his face so that his chin rests atop her head.

Sasuke holds her like that, unmoving, for what easily could have been mere seconds or an hour. The early-morning chill is a distant memory compared to the warmth of her body against his. He closes his eyes and remains silent—simply because he doesn't know what to say to her—but it seems to be enough. Slowly her body stops shaking and her sobs quiet. And when she eventually pulls away, putting distance between them, he has the strangest urge to draw her back.

"Thank you, Sasuke-kun," Sakura says, voice raspy. She gives him a smile, small yet infinitely better than her tears. "I didn't realize I needed that right now, but I guess...I guess I really did."

His eyes flicker, searching hers as if he can find the source of her pain if he looks hard enough. She meets his eyes and the smile falls from her lips. Her brows draw together and she turns her gaze downward.

"A patient died on me today," she whispers, answering his unspoken question. "He was only six years old. Had an extremely rare heart disease I've never seen before. Ever since his parents—" Her breath hitches and she turns her face away from him, pressing the back of her hand to her mouth as she tries not to cry further. A few quiet, melancholy seconds pass, and Sasuke has just raised his hand to touch her—where exactly and for what purpose, he doesn't know; he just wants her to stop crying because seeing her like this makes him incredibly distressed—when she turns back to him. He quickly drops his hand, the moment lost.

"Sorry," she says softly, and winces. "I'm the biggest crybaby I know. I thought—I thought that the pain of losing a patient would get easier eventually, but every time is just as horrible as the last." She clears her throat and continues, "His name was Tadashi—the little boy I lost today. He had a big brother, Daisuke, who died in the War. His parents were devastated to lose their eldest son, so when they brought Tadashi to the hospital last week to have him checked up and I—I told them his survival rate was less than one percent, they looked…" She trails off and gazes at the stone path before them without really seeing.

And in that moment she seems old beyond her years—not physically, but in the sense that her eyes speak of a whole lifetime's worth of love and loss, of joy and tragedy. She is only nineteen years old, barely starting her life, and yet she walks with her feet sunken in two very different worlds. What must it be like, Sasuke wonders, to be a medical ninja, to work endless hours in the hospital giving her all to save people, while simultaneously taking lives on the battlefield, killing to protect what she holds dear? Such a contrast, such a burden to carry.

And yet Sakura carries it everyday of her life, and even now, when she's bursting with emotion, tears staining her cheeks as she mourns, Sasuke can see the energy in her eyes, the determination. She's going to cry for quite some time and she may even appear weak in the eyes of others, but he knows better now. He knows that she cries because she opens her heart to others in a way that is as ridiculously asinine as it is incredibly brave. She cares about those around her with her whole being, regardless of how they may hurt her, and she is infinitely stronger because of it.

Because Sasuke knows she will go back to the hospital, eyes bloodshot, spirit broken, and despite this—despite being torn down time and time again—she will learn from her mistakes and hit the ground running again, never giving up on believing that if she tries hard enough, she can save anyone.

Sasuke understands her a little bit better in that moment; another piece in the puzzle that is Haruno Sakura clicks into place in his mind. And he wants more, he realizes with sudden clarity—much more.

"...they looked like they had just lost their whole world." Sakura's voice draws him away from his thoughts. He sees heartbreak reflected in her eyes, raw and bleeding. "I tried, Sasuke-kun, I tried to save him."

He does not doubt she did; knows she put her entire soul into it.

She swallows. "But there are just some things even I can't fix, and Tadashi's heart was one of them. He died three hours ago—h-had to go into emergency surgery, and it was all I could do to keep myself from breaking down when I came out of that operating room and told his parents I'd lost him. B-because if I had only known the kid for a week and I felt like his death was the end of me, I can't even imagine what they must have been going through."

And then, just like that, Sakura blinks. Her jaw sets stubbornly, brows drawing together. She turns to him and meets his gaze with such fire and conviction heating her eyes that he feels he might be burned with the intensity of it all.

"But I'm going to keep researching, keep working as hard as I can so that I never have to tell a mom and dad that they've just lost a child ever again," she says, sheer dedication strengthening her words even as her voice breaks and tears threaten to fall from her eyes. "I know I can't save everyone, but no one can tell me I can't try. I won't stop until I've cured every goddamn disease on this planet."

Sasuke feels his lips tug upward into a ghost of a smile, so much more than his usual stoic expression. His hand moves to rest gently on her head and he ruffles her hair a bit.

"You did well," he tells her, and means it.

Looking up at him from under her lashes, she appears shocked by his casual touch. She searches his eyes, green flicking back and forth as she studies him.

Then she smiles.

"Thank you, Sasuke-kun," she says. "I appreciate that—and you being here for me—more than you can ever imagine."

Something stirs in his chest at her words. Something light and barely there, weightless and foreign to him, but very real nonetheless. It brings warmth through his body despite the morning's chill and he senses that something shifts between them. Or perhaps it's that he is only just noticing what has been shifting for some time now. What it is exactly he doesn't know, and he finds himself wary and slightly stunned as a result, but he accepts it all the same.

"It's the least I can do, Sakura," he finds himself saying, "with all that you have done for me."

And it is nothing but the truth.


	10. Chapter 10

Sasuke has just come home from a long day of training nearly a week later. Kakashi was free for once, surprisingly, and challenged his former student to a spar. For an old man, the current Hokage lived up to his title, and after hours of brutal combat Sasuke is left exhausted, his limbs numb from hours of non-stop use. The feeling is liberating in a way and he looks forward to a long night of rest as a reward.

His stomach growls and he grimaces. He's barely eaten anything all day and was able to mostly ignore the hunger, but now his body protests loudly. He quickly showers, throws on a pair of sweatpants, and moves to the kitchen to open up his fridge.

It's sparse. Sasuke glares at the emptiness menacingly. He runs a hand through his hair, still damp from the shower, and shuts the fridge door, sulking.

There's a hard knock on his front door. He glances at it, curious as to who could be wanting his attention so late in the day. He makes his way over to it and a burst of knocks sounds again, impatient.

"Sasuke-kun! Are you there?" a voice shouts. It's Sakura. She sounds excited and he can almost see the wide smile curving her lips.

He's at the door in an instant, pulling it open to reveal the same smile he pictured. Her green eyes are bright as they meet his, and the sight makes him relax, his normally tense posture loosening in her presence.

She's clad in a black long-sleeved dress that hugs her body tightly, ending halfway down her thighs to expose toned legs. The dress shows off the supple curves he took note of when they went to the lake but that are usually hidden by her loose daily attire. A forest-green coat is thrown casually about her shoulders, and black high-heeled boots replace her ninja sandals. Short pink hair frames her face in its usual style and there's a simple black choker around her neck.

Sasuke suddenly finds his throat very dry, and he realizes after a few seconds that he's essentially been checking his teammate out, his eyes slowly perusing her body, analyzing every inch of her. His gaze flickers to hers but she's not looking at his face, instead running her eyes down his torso, to his casual sweatpants, and back up again. She does this languidly, unhurriedly, and he remembers that he's currently without a shirt, leaving his upper body exposed for her to see.

By the time she finally makes it back to his face, his ears are warm, and his throat even more parched than before. Her cheeks are now tinted with a light pink but there's no sign of embarrassment in the subtle smile she throws him. She's seen him half-naked before, and he further realizes that she's probably seen her fair share of naked male bodies as a medical nin. But even then it seems that her confidence in being around him has grown ever since their nearly-disastrous training session all those weeks ago. The fact that she was so wary around him before because she was afraid he would hate her still gnaws at him on a daily basis. How could he hate her after all she did for him? All that she continued to do?

This confidence, however, is something else entirely. It throws him off a little and he doesn't quite know what to make of it. The woman she's become over the years is making herself glaringly obvious to him in the curve of her hips, the playful light in her eyes.

"Already ready for bed, Sasuke-kun?" she asks, teasing.

He clears his throat and manages to respond, "Aa."

She laughs and her eyes form little half-moons, head tilting to the side. "Well, I was gonna see if you wanted to go out and eat with me—maybe even get some drinks with Naruto, Hinata, and the others after—but since you're a grandpa in a nineteen-year-old's body, I'll let you rest."

She grins once again and begins to turn away.

"Sakura."

She raises a slender eyebrow in question.

Sasuke merely steps aside in the doorway, allowing room for her to pass by into his apartment. "Wait inside. I'll be ready in five minutes."

Another smile, all for him. "I was hoping you'd say that."

* * *

Sakura tells him that she never really has the chance to dress up these days, and since Tsunade gave her the day off tomorrow and Kakashi has no missions for her, she wants to take full advantage of it. She also hasn't seen their other friends in a while—are they his friends too? Sasuke doesn't know—and wants to spend time with them.

They walk side by side through the streets of Konoha that are teeming with people eager to start their Friday night. People stare at them as they pass, but Sakura either doesn't seem to notice or she simply just doesn't care, moving with ease through the crowd, head high, eyes filled with mirth.

Sasuke notices the looks, different from the usual fear and trepidation. Those thrown their way tonight are, for the most part, full of awe and fascination.

He knows he and Sakura must make quite the pair. She, a world-class kunoichi, known across the villages as one of the most talented medical nin to ever exist—dressed in a manner that attracts a slew of hungry male gazes. Despite her black dress, she is radiant as always, with her vivid pink hair and green eyes. Then there is Sasuke himself, the last Uchiha—criminal, murderer, and deserter, likely to be feared for many years to come, no matter how much he repents for his sins. He's every bit as dark as she is colorful, clad in black slacks and a black t-shirt. He found a leather jacket in his closet that he doesn't remember buying, much less owning, but he threw it on anyway.

" _Do you even own anything that's not black?" Sakura questioned earlier when he walked out of his room._

_He merely frowned at her, though it wasn't serious, and replied, "You're annoying."_

_She tipped her head back and laughed harder than he'd ever seen her laugh before. He was frozen watching her, eyes locked on the curve of her pale neck, the way she clutched at her sides, unable to help herself as she rolled with mirth._

_After a minute she finally stopped. Cheeks flushed, she mused, "You said that months ago, but I realized just now how much I miss it." A pause. Then, quietly: "I missed you, Sasuke-kun. A lot. I'm glad you're back."_

_Without giving him room to reply—to which he was thankful for, because he didn't know what he would say in response—Sakura hopped up from her seat on his couch and headed for the door._

" _C'mon, Sasuke-kun!" she called to him. "Let's go have some fun for once."_

Warm fingers brush against his skin, and he snaps his gaze to the source, following the small hand resting over his up until he meets vibrant green eyes.

"This way," Sakura says, and tugs on his hand for the briefest moment before letting go and walking down a small street to their left.

Sasuke follows after her quietly, watching the sway of her long coat as she walks, the way her heeled feet move gracefully over the uneven ground. It's only when she stops in front of him that he tears his eyes away from her and focuses on the world around them.

They've stopped in front of a restaurant, small and quaint with bright lanterns hanging from the entrance. The interior is dim and intimate, candles lining the walls and quiet classical music playing throughout. They take a seat near the back of the restaurant, and Sakura immediately begins browsing the menu their waiter hands to her.

"I'm going to get udon," she declares not even five seconds later.

Sasuke glances down at the menu before him. Indifferent, he shrugs ever so slightly and says, "I'll have the same."

She gives him an odd look, then nods and calls to their waiter. Once she's ordered for them, she leans forward and smiles at him, resting her chin on her folded hands.

He gazes at her, slightly puzzled at the sudden attention, and she blushes lightly.

"Sorry," she says, leaning back, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly—a gesture he realizes she must've gotten from Naruto. "I'm just in a really good mood today."

He tilts his head to the side in question.

She gives him a small, delighted smile in return. "Tsunade-shishou and Kakashi-sensei gave me the permission to open up Konoha's first children's mental health clinic. It's been my dream ever since the War ended, and it's crazy to think that it's actually going to happen now."

He studies her thoughtfully. "What brought this about?"

"I've seen first hand the mental trauma the War had on this village," Sakura says quietly, somberly. "Especially the children. A lot of people lost those they cared about most and it's not always easy—or healthy, for that matter—to deal with grief alone. I want to provide a place where these children who have been through so much at such an early age can come and receive the support and care they need. No child should have to feel alone. They shouldn't feel like they have nowhere to go, no one to turn to for help—especially in the aftermath of a war."

She pauses, and he can see the passion flaring in her eyes. It awes him, for how is it possible for one person to have such a big heart, to care so much for others?

"I hope to provide a home for them that they can always come back to," she finishes, and in that moment he feels nothing but pride. Pride for the person she's become, the countless lives she's saved and the selfless nature in which she carries herself. He thinks that if he had Sakura as she is now—mature and incredibly empathetic, with an aura that makes anyone around her feel at home—in his life when his entire clan was ripped away from him, things would have turned out differently.

He is proud of her, incredibly so.

And so he tells her.

She's silent for a moment, gazing at him, but then she blushes and beams. "Thank you, Sasuke-kun."

They fall into the comfortable silence he's able to find with her nowadays. Once their food arrives, they start to eat, and Sakura begins talking. She tells him stories of when he was gone, of the crazy things she and Naruto did together, of the blossoming friendship between her and Hinata. He listens, nodding every once in a while, watching her wide smile as she recalls a particularly funny moment. Her constant chattering soothes him, strangely enough, and he finishes his meal in peace.

Sakura pays the bill for the both of them, to which Sasuke frowns and opens his mouth to argue against her, but she simply reaches out to brush her hand against his forearm. "Don't worry about it, Sasuke-kun," she tells him. "Friends can treat out their friends here and there, can't they?"

He glances down at her hand that rests on his arm—surprised at the sudden warmth for the second time tonight but not at all opposed to it—then back at Sakura. She notices the look and, misunderstanding it, quickly pulls her hand away, wincing.

"Sorry, Sasuke-kun," she murmurs.

She stands from their small table and waits for him to do the same before heading toward the door. Once they're outside and walking away from the restaurant, the night air crisp and chilly around them, he turns to her and says, "I don't mind, Sakura."

"Huh?" She falters in her step a little at the sound of his voice, obviously having been lost in her own thoughts.

"You touching me," he clarifies. "I don't mind it."

She swallows and averts her gaze to the path ahead of them, confusion furrowing her brows and a light blush rising to her cheeks. "A-ah, I see," she replies without looking at him. "Thank you for telling me."

Sasuke's lips twist up ever so subtly. He watches her from the corner of his eye as the emotions play out across her face: continuing perplexity, then a sort of joy, and finally contentment as she steals a quick glance at him. He wonders what she's thinking about to have so many emotions apparent in her expression, but he doesn't ask, deciding instead to remain silent as he walks by her side.

It's another five minutes before they reach the bar. People mill around outside, laughing and drinking, and the hum of music filters out into the street. Sasuke notices a number of familiar faces, but his attention is pulled from them as Sakura turns to him with a grin, eyes dancing. "So, how well can you hold your alcohol, Sasuke-kun?"

He ponders this for a moment. He's only had a few drinks here and there over the years, and definitely never went to a place such as this, teeming with bodies and loud, drunken voices. "Decently," he decides to respond.

Sakura hums thoughtfully. "We'll see about that," she says and beckons him to follow her to the bar's entrance.

Almost immediately a blur of orange and blond springs from the crowd with a deafening shout of " _Sakura-chan!_ " before Naruto plows into their teammate and envelops her in a monstrous hug.

Sasuke is concerned for a moment that the blond might be crushing her, but then Sakura's laughter billows out from her place in Naruto's arms, and he relaxes.

"Naruto, you big dummy, let me go!" she cries, humor in her voice.

"Whoops, sorry there, Sakura-chan," the blond chuckles as he releases her. "I was just so excited to see you! You never come out with us anymore."

"That's because I work, you oaf," she shoots back. Then she leans forward to sniff at him, and her nose wrinkles. "Jesus, Naruto, how much did you drink? It's barely nine p.m.!"

"More than enough," a quiet voice replies, and a small-framed girl with long blue-black hair and large pale eyes—Hyuuga Hinata, if he remembers correctly—steps to Naruto's side. Naruto wraps an arm around her and she leans comfortably into him, albeit with a blush staining her cheeks red. "He needs you here to watch over him, Sakura-chan."

"Hinata-chan!" Sakura rushes forward and steals the girl away from Naruto in an affectionate hug. "Gosh, I've missed you! I feel like I never see you anymore."

The two girls laugh together, making plans to get tea sometime in the next week, and Naruto sulks besides them, muttering, "I'm here too, Sakura-chan."

Then the blond glances up at the shadowed place behind where Sakura originally stood, the space Sasuke currently occupies ever so silently, and he yells, " _Ehhhhh?_ Sasuke-teme, you're here too?"

Sasuke grimaces at his friend's booming voice and snaps, "Shut up, dobe, you're too loud."

Naruto is before him in an instant, eyes wide. "I never thought I'd live to see the day you actually came out to _socialize_. Who drugged you? Did something happen? If someone threatened you so you had to come I'll—"

Sasuke glares at the blond and says through clenched teeth, "Sakura invited me, you idiot."

"—beat them up for you and—what did you just say?"

Sasuke narrows his eyes. "I'm not repeating myself."

A large grin gradually creeps over Naruto's face, one that Sasuke doesn't like at all. "Sakura-chan, eh? It's about damn time you two got together."

" _Naruto_!" Suddenly Sakura is there, her first coming down upon Naruto's head. The blond nearly smashes to the ground, but Sakura grabs a hold of his collar and pulls his face close to hers, growling, "Stop harassing Sasuke-kun. He's here to have a good time, not listen to your drunken ass."

Hinata giggles behind them, and walks forward to take Naruto from Sakura's grasp. "Sorry," she laughs, "you know how he gets when he drinks. I'll take care of him from now on. Oh, and it's nice to see you again, Sasuke-san!" She nods her head at him, smiling, and Sasuke nods in return. Naruto moans, clutching his bruised head as she leads him away, and Sasuke hears her murmur to him, "Let's get you some water, Naruto-kun."

Sasuke watches as they disappear into the bar. Beside him Sakura says, voice full of endearment, "They're so cute together."

He glances at her and sees warmth in her eyes as she follows their path into the bar. "Hinata makes him so happy," she continues. "He's lucky to have her." Then she turns to him, and he's momentarily frozen by the tenderness shining in her green eyes. "That kind of love is rare, ya know. It's not everyday you find someone who cares about you as much as they care about one another."

And with that, she claps her hands together happily, eyes gaining a mischievous gleam. "Let's go get you some drinks, Sasuke-kun."

She leads him into the bar packed with people and pulsing with some high-energy music he doesn't know. It's more like a club, he thinks. To the left there's a large dance floor with various tables scattered around it, and to the right a long bar with around twenty stools running parallel to it.

He follows her in slowly, cautiously, glaring at anyone who bumps into him and analyzing the room with hyper-awareness. He's not used to being around so many people at once, especially in such an enclosed space, and it puts him on edge, his body tensing as if preparing for battle.

"Sasuke-kun." Sakura's voice draws his attention and he whips his head around to find her standing before him with two full shot glasses in her hand, an amused quirk to her brow. "Calm down. This isn't a battleground." She holds one of the shots out to him and he carefully takes it, the nerves making him hesitant. Then, with her now free hand, she reaches out to squeeze his bicep gently. "Don't worry. If anything happens, I'll be here to protect you."

Relaxing at her touch, he scowls at her, although he can't find it in him to make the look seem threatening. "Hn. I can take care of myself."

"I know," Sakura replies cheerily, clearly having expected his answer. She raises her shot in the air and smiles. "Cheers, Sasuke-kun."

Eyes never leaving her, he taps his glass against hers and tosses the shot down his throat. It tastes horrid and burns the whole way down, and he can't help but wince ever so slightly. Sakura, on the other hand, finishes hers as if it were water and releases a sound of satisfaction as she places her empty glass on a nearby table.

"Let's see how well you can really hold your alcohol," she teases and grasps his fingers in hers as she leads him toward the bar.

When they finally reach it, a slew of bodies suddenly surround them, and Sasuke fights the urge to grab Sakura's arm and tug her to his side. He's put at ease when he realizes they're all familiar faces. There's a few in particular that stand out to him: Rock Lee, his brows impossibly bushier than the last time Sasuke saw him, who attaches himself to Sakura's side almost immediately; Nara Shikamaru, casually standing off to the side, brown eyes flashing with amusement at Sasuke's obvious discomfort; Yamanaka Ino, the loudmouthed blonde who claims to be Sakura's best friend, laughing at something Sakura tells the group; and finally Sai, apparently his replacement in Team 7, smiling faintly at him in a way that furrows Sasuke's brows in confusion.

"I can't believe you actually convinced Sasuke-kun to join us, Ugly," Sai remarks, eyes closing in half-moons as he smiles.

Sasuke's confusion heightens. He narrows his gaze at the ex-Root member, calculating his words. Ugly?

Then Sakura speaks up, her tone playful as she growls, "Nice to know that me fixing up your arm last week didn't change your opinion of me, Sai."

The rest of the group chuckles at this, and they go on talking over the pulsing music, but Sasuke finds himself continuing to glare at Sai, mouth a flat, unamused line. Sakura...ugly? Is the man blind? Or simply stupid?

He remains frowning shallowly for the next five minutes as Sakura and the others chat around him. A body eventually moves closer to him, and he watches as Nara Shikamaru comes to stand beside him, a single hand clapping down on his shoulder.

"Nice to have you back, Uchiha," Shikamaru says, sincere. Sensing the way Sasuke stiffens under his touch, he pulls his hand away, undeterred. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

Sasuke nods. "Shikamaru."

"Naruto tells me you'll be able to go on missions soon," Shikamaru continues, posture lax as he taps the drink in his right hand with his index finger. "I look forward to seeing you on the field."

Shikamaru always was one of the ones that annoyed him the least. The Nara was calm and intelligent, someone Sasuke respected from a distance in the past.

Sasuke nods once again, appreciating the kind words, and, seemingly satisfied, Shikamaru returns to his place at the bar next to a tall woman with spiky blonde hair and teal eyes who he vaguely remembers as Gaara's sister.

"Hey, Sasuke-kun!" a loud voice calls, and Ino runs up to him alongside Inuzuka Kiba. Long blonde hair swinging at the motion, she smiles and declares, "Your next shot is on me! I'm so glad you joined us. I don't see you around these days so I never got the chance to thank you for all that you did during the War."

Kiba holds out one of two shots in his hands to him. Sharp canines flashing, he grins, raising his glass in the air. "Cheers to having you back, Uchiha."

For a few moments, Sasuke is left at a loss as to how to respond. He opens his mouth, then closes it again—looks from Kiba's expectant gaze to Ino's cheerful expression, and finally, as if drawn unconsciously, he finds himself locking eyes with Sakura from where she stands ten feet away from him.

She's watching their exchange with a soft smile curving her lips. Meeting his gaze, she nods, happier than he's seen her in a long time, and raises her glass to him.

When his focus turns back to the two shinobi before him, he inclines his head to them, takes the shot from Kiba's hand, and responds quietly, "Aa. Thank you."

This shot burns just as much as the one before, and Ino chuckles at the sour look on his face. "C'mon, Sasuke-kun, I'll get you something else that tastes way better than that nasty shit."

"But tequila is good for the soul, Ino," a woman he recognizes as Tenten insists as she joins them. Quirking a brow at Sasuke, she tells Ino, "Get him something that'll loosen him up. It's obvious he's not comfortable around us yet."

A sly glint flickers to life in Ino's one visible eye at the idea. "Sounds like a plan to me. _Oi!_ " she shouts at the shinobi around them. The group of them shut up immediately, and a moment of silence passes before Ino yells, "Next round's on me, everyone! It's been too many years since we were all together. Let's welcome Sasuke-kun home properly!"

Everyone cheers uproariously, and Sasuke sweat-drops at the chaos that ensues.

The next hour turns into a hazy blur. Every time he finishes a drink it seems like not even a second later another is being pressed into his hand. People he vaguely recognizes as well as people he's never seen before approach him, thanking him for his duty to the village, some going so far as to tear up as they tell him that he helped save their loved ones.

One civilian man easily twice his age, out on a date night with his wife, tells him that his two young sons nearly perished during the War but survived because Sasuke and Naruto fought almost until they died to protect the village. Just when Sasuke is about to deny the claim and inform the man that it was really mostly Naruto who helped protect his sons, that he had all the wrong intentions back then, the man grasps Sasuke's hand in his own and insists that he join his family for dinner one day. Sasuke can do nothing but nod, unspoken words dying in his throat, and the man thanks him once more before returning to his wife.

"It's kinda strange, isn't it, Sasuke-teme?"

Sasuke glances to the left and finds Naruto—looking onsiderably less inebriated than he did before—standing beside him, gazing into the crowd with a gentle smile.

Sasuke remains silent, and as always Naruto senses the question his friend asks as he continues, "Being a so-called hero. Having people thank you for saving their lives. It's weird, right? Especially since we were both so ostracized as kids." Naruto shakes his head. "I would've never imagined life to turn out like this."

Laughter fills the air, audible even over the music, and Sasuke can't help but agree.

"I know that some people are still afraid of you," Naruto tells him, confirming what Sasuke is already keenly aware of, "and some still view you as a criminal. But the village is changing. I see it everyday with my own eyes. The War...it forced a lot of people to grow up, in a way. And I think that they learned something from us, the two outcasts they ignored for so long." Naruto turns to grin at him, smile lines crinkling the edges of his eyes. "I don't think it'll be long until everyone learns to love you as much as we do."

Sasuke meets his best friend's clear blue gaze. "It's because of you, Naruto," he replies matter-of-factly. "I wouldn't be where am I now without you."

Tears rush into Naruto's eyes, and Sasuke finds himself enveloped in the dobe's arms as he hugs him, sobbing obnoxiously into his ear, "Dawwww, Sasuke-teme, you turned into such a softie!"

Sasuke allows this to continue for another two whole seconds before he shoves the blond off him and glowers menacingly. "I take it back," he snaps.

But Naruto just laughs. He knows Sasuke cares about him, and he knows just how to handle the Uchiha's blunt personality. It's why they work so well together—they understand each other in a way no one else does, and Sasuke wouldn't trade his bond with Naruto for the world.

"So, where's Sakura-chan?" Naruto suddenly questions, waggling his eyebrows.

Sasuke frowns and replies flatly, "How the hell should I know?"

Naruto gives him a knowing look that has Sasuke glaring at him. "Uh-huh. As if you haven't been watching her everywhere she goes for the last hour."

He hates how Naruto can be so frustratingly perceptive sometimes. For an idiot, he can be observant when he wants to be.

And he's right. Sasuke hasn't been able to help himself from keeping a careful eye on Sakura, especially with so many people around. His nerves haven't quite died down yet and he wants to be prepared just in case something goes wrong.

Subconsciously, however, he knows his logic is flawed. Sakura, who has become his sort of unofficial training partner these last few months and whose skills he's witnessed first hand, can take care of herself without a doubt.

As if on cue, Sakura's laugh carries over the music, and his gaze is drawn to her place in the middle of the dance floor. Kiba has her lifted in his arms, twirling her around mid air as he grins up at her. Sakura's head is thrown back as she rolls with laughter, playfully slapping at Kiba's arms and telling him to let her down.

Naruto snickers from beside him, but Sasuke doesn't look at him. His eyes remain focused on the joy on Sakura's face, on the smile curving her lips and the delight shining in her eyes.

Finally, Kiba puts her back down on her own two feet but continues to draw her close to him, one arm wrapping around her torso, and she leans into him as he ducks his head to whisper something in her ear. Even from this distance Sasuke can see the bright blush that stains her cheeks immediately at whatever Kiba has told her. Her eyes flicker up, searching the crowd, and she meets Sasuke's gaze for a fraction of a second before her eyes widen and she turns her head away, disappearing into the crowd of people with Kiba chuckling at her side.

Sasuke then becomes acutely aware of the severe frown on his face and the annoyed tilt of his brows. Naruto must have noticed this as well, because he comments lightly, "I know you're jealous, teme, but now is not the time to start chidori-ing our friends."

"Hn." Sasuke tears his eyes away from where Sakura and Kiba disappeared into the crowd. Naruto's looking at him with an amused expression, and Sasuke says blandly, "I'm going to get another drink."

The blond whoops and the two of them make their way back to the bar, Naruto taunting Sasuke that there's no way the Uchiha will be able to hold his alcohol as well as him. Sasuke simply grunts and begs to differ.

* * *

The next twenty minutes or so turn into a sort of drinking match. Sasuke tosses down whatever shot Naruto places before him, and with each one it becomes easier to drink the next. His head begins to feel light, limbs growing heavy, and his confidence rises as his mind hazes over every so slowly.

Naruto has returned to his previous drunken state, laughing hysterically at something Sasuke said but doesn't quite remember. He punches the Uchiha in the shoulder and Sasuke actually tilts on his stool with the force of the blow.

"Watch it, dobe," he warns, but can't help the slight upward pull of his lips as Naruto wipes tears away from his eyes.

"Y'know, teme," the blond slurs, and hiccups before continuing, "it sure is nice to have you back."

Sasuke raises a brow. "After all that you did to drag me back, I'd hope you'd be happy having me here."

Naruto grins broadly, and bumps Sasuke once again on the shoulder, albeit milder this time. "How 'bout another shot?"

They throw back yet another one, and several minutes later pink hair fills his vision. His gaze follows Sakura as she comes to stand between them, her hands resting affectionately on the bases of their necks through the fabric of their jackets, squeezing gently. With the haze in his mind, the touch feels like a drug, and he leans into it.

"S'kura-chan!" Naruto cries, ecstatic to see their pink-haired teammate. He wraps his arms around her and presses his face into her stomach. "I'm s' happy to see you!"

Sakura groans, and Sasuke watches as an amused smile grows on her face, her hand moving from the blond's shoulder to pat his head. "Again, Naruto?" she sighs theatrically. "I thought Hinata had sobered you up."

Naruto cackles but the sound is muffled by the fabric of her black dress. Sasuke blinks, and notices then that the green jacket she wore before is nowhere to be seen, leaving her body fully open for perusal. His eyes drift down, seemingly without his permission, and he takes in the gentle swell of her hip, the way the fabric hugs her thighs and the curve of her butt. She may as well be naked before him with all the dress allows him to see. His ears flare with heat at the thought, and he quickly averts his gaze back to her face.

It's perfect timing, because she turns to look at him not even a second later. Her eyes alight with humor and she laughs, "Oh gosh, not you too, Sasuke-kun!"

He frowns just as her hand lifts from its place on his neck and she presses her palm against the curve of his cheek. Her palm feels cool on his skin, and he realizes then just how warm he is.

"I don't think I've ever seen you blush before, Sasuke-kun," Sakura comments, shaking her head. "I can't leave the two of you out of my sight ever again. Just how much did you drink?"

"Not enough," Naruto responds. He finally raises his head and declares, "Let's all take a shot together, S'kura-chan! For Team 7!"

Sakura sighs again, her hand dropping from Sasuke's cheek. Her palm felt good against him, cooling his heated skin, and he fights the urge to ask her to touch him again. "Fine," she obliges. "But no more after this, you hear me?"

Naruto shouts his agreement, nearly bouncing in his seat, and Sasuke merely nods when she turns to look at him.

The shot Sakura orders them is huge, and although Sasuke acknowledges he's quite drunk and probably shouldn't have anymore, he can't let his two teammates show him up, and so he clinks his glass with theirs—"For Team 7!" Naruto yells, splashing alcohol everywhere—and downs it as quickly as possible.

"How much did you drink t'night, S'kura-chan?" Naruto asks after, swaying in his seat, blue eyes blurry in his drunkenness. "You look like you're sober!"

"Probably as much as you two," she admits, taking a seat next to Sasuke—there's an open one to Naruto's left as well, and he's quietly pleased she chose to be beside him—and then grinning arrogantly. "If there's one thing I can do that Tsunade-shishou can't, it's hold my alcohol."

Sasuke examines her, squinting as he tries to focus. While there is a soft blush on her cheeks and a minor glassiness to her eyes, she seems otherwise fine.

"You shoulda seen her las' year, teme," Naruto says, voice full of awe. "She joined us on a boys' night out one night and out-drank all of us!"

Sakura smiles faintly, recalling the memory, and she tells Sasuke, " _I_ was fine, but I had to carry Naruto back to his apartment." She rolls her eyes. "He could barely make it two steps out of the bar before he fell flat on his face."

Sasuke raises a brow. "The dobe can barely perform basic ninjutsu," he comments nonchalantly, but the words feel heavy on his tongue, making them run into each other. "I'm not surprised he can't hold his alcohol."

Naruto growls, having overheard their conversation. "I'll show you, teme!" He wags a fist in Sasuke's face and then stands, trying to get the bartender's attention to order another drink.

Sakura rises in her seat and reaches over Sasuke to grab ahold of Naruto's collar and yank him back down to his stool. "No more!" she barks at him. "I'm not carrying your ass back home again!"

For a split second her upper body is directly in his line of vision, only a few inches away from his face, with the side of her left breast nearly coming into contact with the tip of his nose. His entire body grows warm and he swallows, frozen in place.

Then, just like that, the moment is over as she takes her seat again, satisfied that Naruto won't try to order another drink. He catches a whiff of her perfume as she moves—a sensual, tropical scent that reminds him of strawberries and coconuts. He breathes in deeply through his nostrils, trying to calm himself.

They remain at the bar for another hour. Naruto and Sakura reminisce about the "old days", as Naruto calls it, occasionally teasing Sasuke (to which he glares and snaps back half-hearted retorts), and Sakura tells them about the new interns under her care at the hospital that, according to her, are showing "incredible potential." Naruto complains about the Hokage training Kakashi is putting him through, but then lights up when Sakura asks how he and Hinata are doing (at this, he flushes red and leans forward, attempting to be secretive as he stage-whispers, "I think I'mma marry her one day"; in response Sakura gives him a look that screams "You're an idiot" and says, "Well, _duh_ , of course you two are gonna get married, you big dummy").

At one point Sakura turns to Sasuke, excited, and tells him that Kakashi plans to have his first mission since his return scheduled sometime in the next few weeks, and that she will be his partner for it. He nods, knowing that he and Sakura will make quite the pair out on the field. As if sensing his thoughts, she smiles at him and brushes her hand on his forearm, voicing confidently, "We're gonna kick ass."

Another nod, and this time he finds his mouth curling upward slightly. "Aa."

They leave the bar shortly after. Hinata comes to collect Naruto, with the Hyuuga promising to get him home safe. Sakura winks at them and Hinata blushes fiercely, but the smile on her face is wide.

"I'll see you next week for tea, Hinata-chan!" Sakura calls after them.

Hinata turns back for a moment—her hands wrapped around Naruto's torso, helping him stand as he leans heavily against her—and nods. "Hai, Sakura-chan!" Then she smiles, and it's teasing. "Get Sasuke-san home safe as well."

Sakura laughs at this and waves them off. Sasuke frowns, about to tell Sakura that he doesn't need any help, but then he attempts to step to her side and his balance isn't as stable as he would like it to be. He stumbles a little, then rights himself and glares heavily at the ground, vision swirling at the motion.

"Come on, Sasuke-kun." Sakura's gentle voice sounds next to him, and he jerks his head up to meet her soft green eyes. Her hand is extended to him. "I'll walk you home."

Uchiha Sasuke is prideful, and if it were anyone else he would still attempt to declare his sobriety—no matter how drunk he might be—and go home on his own. But this is Sakura, and she's offering for him to touch her, to lean on her, and he thinks that truthfully, even if he _were_ sober, he wouldn't turn this opportunity down.

So Sasuke allows her to grasp his hand and pull him carefully to her side. She links her arm around his, letting him know that she's there if he needs stability. They head off into the night like this and the cool air does wonders for his overheated body and muddled brain.

They walk in comfortable silence for several minutes. Then, with him standing beside her so closely, he suddenly realizes how small she is in comparison to him. Even with her heels he's easily several inches taller than her, with the top of her head barely reaching past his chin.

"You're short," he mutters before he can stop himself.

An incredulous laugh bursts from her lips. She tilts her face up to look at him, a playfully hurt expression falling over her features. "Geez, Sasuke-kun," she groans. "I offer to walk you home and all you do is insult my height." Shaking her head and to his horror, she begins to extract her arm from his. Instinctively he frowns and draws her back to him, pressing her close to his side.

She glances at him, surprised.

"It was a joke," he says, unamused.

Her expression grows tender and she laughs as they continue down the street. "It's fun to tease you, Sasuke-kun."

He half-glares at her, but he knows she can see the lack of menace in his eyes. "Che. Annoying."

She merely smiles. They fall back into the same comfortable silence, and all too soon they are in front of his apartment, which is on the way to hers from the direction of the bar.

This time when she twists out of his arm, he lets her, dropping his arm back to his side.

Sakura takes a step away from him and clasps her hands together behind her back. "I had a lot of fun tonight, Sasuke-kun. Thank you for coming out with me."

"Hn." He tilts his head to the side as he looks at her. "You don't have to thank me, Sakura," he replies, words slipping out easily with the alcohol in his system. There's a stern edge to his tone. "It's not a burden for me to spend time with you."

Her eyes widen almost comically and her lips part in surprise. Visibly flustered, Sakura gestures to his door and blurts, "I'll see you inside! T-to make sure you're all settled before I head home."

Amused at her outburst and fully aware that he could get himself inside just fine but not wanting her to leave just yet, he pulls out his keys and opens the door for them. She ducks her head, cheeks blazing pink, and moves past him into his apartment.

Sasuke emerges into the kitchen to find her perched on a stool, hands folded in her lap and eyes downcast, as if she's too shy to look at him.

"Can I get you something to drink?" he asks as he comes to stand before her.

She shakes her head, pink hair flying at the motion. "I'm okay!" she replies, voice pitched high. Suddenly she jumps from the stool and, taking extra care not to touch him, edges past him to start toward the door. "I should probably get going, actually. You seem like you're doing just fine and—"

"Stay here for the night."

She gapes, and he blinks in surprise at his own declaration.

"It's cold," he continues firmly, but his heart pounds against his rib cage and the realization that he craves—has _been_ craving—as much of her time as she'll allow crashes into him with sudden finality, "and you shouldn't be walking home by yourself so late at night."

She stares at him in disbelief and seems to regain her senses. "You know I can get home fine on my own though, right? My apartment's only five minutes away. And it's not _that_ cold outside."

Sasuke stares back at her for a few seconds, knowing his reasoning is unjustified and that there's really nothing he can say to prove her wrong, and then he spins on his heel to disappear into his bedroom, returning ten seconds later carrying a bundle of blankets and a pillow. She watches warily as he deposits them on the large couch in the living room and then turns to face her again.

Sakura purses her lips together. "Just how drunk are you, Sasuke-kun?"

"I know what I'm doing, Sakura," he snaps, impatient and now slightly flustered. He might still be tipsy—walking in the cold helped sober him up quite a bit—but he's aware of his actions nonetheless.

She hums thoughtfully. "And you want me to stay here for the night? On your couch?"

He senses that she's teasing him again. Not willing to back down, he merely clenches his jaw and nods curtly.

She smiles at him with a mixture of warmth and confusion. "All right," she finally replies, shaking her head. "If you insist."

He relaxes from his tense position at her words.

"Mind if I wash my face?" she asks, gazing at him curiously.

He shakes his head, and she quietly thanks him as she moves to head to the bathroom.

By the time she finishes a few minutes later, he's arranged the blankets and pillow neatly on the couch. He makes his way to his room once more, almost forgetting that she probably doesn't want to sleep in her dress, and grabs one of his old t-shirts and a pair of cotton sweatpants.

When Sakura opens the bathroom door, face freshly cleansed and hair tied back in a short ponytail, she nearly jumps back as she takes in Sasuke's close proximity. Before she can open her mouth to question him, he pushes the folded stack of clothes into her hands. Startled, she accepts them and frowns down at them in perplexity.

"They're mine," he grunts. "You can borrow them for the night."

Her mouth opens, closes, then opens once more. "Thanks," she murmurs. She meets his eyes, a tender smile curving her lips. "Good night, Sasuke-kun." Then she disappears into the bathroom to change.

Satisfied with his work, Sasuke lies awake in bed until he hears the bathroom door open and her soft footsteps heading toward the living room. His keen ears pick up on her sigh as she collapses, exhausted, onto the couch that rustles quietly under her weight.

He falls asleep soon after, and that night—whether from the lingering alcohol or her close proximity, he doesn't know—no nightmares disturb him.

* * *

The next morning Sasuke wakes up leisurely at first, blinking his eyes at the sunlight filtering in through the blinds on his window. He feels well-rested despite the slight alcohol-induced headache flaring from his temples and, unlike most other days, actually dreads having to get out of bed.

Then he remembers the previous night, and his hooded eyes snap open as he realizes he doesn't sense Sakura in the apartment. He's making his way down the hallway instantly, heart pounding, mind coming to the conclusion that something's happened because nothing good in his life ever stays for long, but then he bursts into the living room and finds a note lying innocently on the coffee table.

Breathing to calm the irrational pounding of his heart, he picks up the piece of paper.

 _Dear Sasuke-kun,_ it reads in handwriting that is surprisingly messy. _Sorry for leaving without saying goodbye. I thought I would have the day off today, but Kakashi-sensei needs me for an urgent mission, and I didn't want to wake you. Thank you for letting me stay here for the night—I slept better than I have in months, strangely enough. I'll be gone for a few days, but let's train together when I get back, ne?_

_Love,_

_Sakura_

Sasuke stares at the note until his heart rate returns to normal. Sighing to himself, half out of relief and half out of frustration at his own idiocy, he folds the paper and slips it into his pocket. Glancing at the couch, he finds that she folded his blankets and clothes and placed the pillow neatly on top of them.

His lips curving upward of their own accord, he returns to his bedroom to get ready for the day ahead.


	11. Chapter 11

Sasuke's first mission since he returned to Konoha is A-rank and thus dangerous—exactly the way he wants it. True to her word, Sakura is placed as his partner for the mission. Apparently Kakashi trusts her to watch over him and make sure he doesn't try anything suspicious. Sasuke knows that this extra surveillance is just a precaution and knows that he deserves this and more for all that he's done, but it annoys him nonetheless.

Naruto, for one, is extremely unhappy when he hears that he won't be joining them.

"B-but Kakashi-sensei!" he whines, having followed Sasuke and Sakura to their mission briefing. "We're Team 7! We should be together, especially since it's teme's first mission since he came back!"

Kakashi's eyes curve up in his version of a smile. "I'm guessing going on the mission is more important to you than your Hokage training, Naruto?" he asks cheerily.

Naruto sulks and mutters under his breath something along the lines of, "Stupid training. All I do is paperwork anyway; can't catch a break from all this bullshit. Stupid Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi's eyebrow twitches and the ominous sound of cracking knuckles echoes throughout the room. Naruto doesn't complain anymore after that.

* * *

Their mission is a combination of planned assassination and intelligence gathering. A small nation nestled in the mountainous terrain on the northwestern edge of Fire Country reported a hostile group of high-level ninja in their area with no apparent ties to any ninja village. The mysterious group murdered key members in the nation's governing council, and the nation's leader sent Konoha a desperate call for help as a result.

Their mission goes smoothly. Although Sasuke guessed from his many training sessions with Sakura that they would work well together out in the field, he is still surprised with how easy it is for them to negotiate strategies, to discuss different outcomes and prepare backup plans just in case something goes awry. Sakura is intelligent and rational, the perfect compliment to his own calculating and straightforward nature.

They complete the mission without a hitch after having only arrived four days prior, enemies sought out and taken care of after careful reconnaissance, and peace restored in the small nation of Shofuku-shima once again.

Sasuke and Sakura prepare to make their way out of the nation's capital early in the morning on their fifth day. Shofuku-shima's leader—an older, grey-haired man named Ahiro—bids them goodbye along with the remaining members of their council and members of Ahiro's family.

They have just turned to make their way out of the capital's gates when Ahiro's grandson—no more than eight or nine years old, who instantly took a liking to Sakura upon meeting her—runs out from behind them and skids to a stop in front of the pink-haired kunoichi.

Sasuke raises a curious brow at the boy, who sports a light blush and shuffles his feet from where he stands.

"Ketaro-kun?" Sakura questions, surprised.

The boy proceeds to simply hold out a small pink flower to her. "I-it matches your hair," he stammers out. "I wanted to give it to you, Sakura-san."

Sakura's eyes are wide for a moment before a soft smile curves her lips and she drops to a crouch. She ruffles the boy's brown hair with one hand and takes the flower from him with the other.

"That's very kind of you," she says affectionately. Still crouching, she tucks the flower behind her ear and smiles widely. "How does it look?"

Ketaro flushes even more. "You look pretty, Sakura-san. You a-always look pretty."

Sasuke can almost see his teammate's heart swell from beside him as she sweeps the boy into a hug, and he has the strangest urge to roll his eyes. He nearly misses the half-smug, half-challenging smirk Ketaro directs Sasuke's way before his small arms wrap around the kunoichi's neck, hugging her tightly.

Sasuke's eyes widen. He tries to fight the annoyed frown that begins to curve his mouth—because is he really feeling jealous of a little kid?—but fails miserably. Mood significantly, ridiculously worsened, he proceeds to glare silently at the road ahead, more irked with himself for being so easily provoked than anything else.

It starts to rain when they finally begin making their way through the city's gates again. Sakura swears beside him and groans, "This would happen the one time I forget to bring an umbrella on a mission." Grumbling, she proceeds to pull a jacket out of her pack and hold it over her head as protection.

Sasuke glances at her, then at the grey sky above. With an inward smirk, he activates a small arm of his Susano'o and extends it so that it covers both of them from the onpour.

Sakura gasps and looks up at the translucent purple arm with wide eyes. Slowly she turns her awe-struck gaze in his direction.

"Come closer," he instructs. "You'll get wet."

The beaming smile she gives him stuns him into silence, and he has to turn his head away from her in order to hide the sudden heat flaring at his neck.

"Thanks, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura takes a few steps closer to him until he can feel the warmth of her body against his arm. He manages to clear his throat and give her a curt nod as they begin walking.

Before they get too far, however, Sasuke finds he is unable to help himself. He glances behind them and swallows a wave of satisfaction at seeing the bitter look on Ketaro's face before turning back around and continuing through the city's gates.

* * *

"Nice one, Sasuke-san!" Lee shouts, flashing a bright smile and a thumbs-up. "I was barely able to block that kick of yours!"

Beside him in his wheelchair, Might Guy beams, nearly sparkling with the force of it, and Sasuke vaguely wonders how he keeps his teeth so white. "You sure are Kakashi's student, Sasuke," Guy chuckles. "I expect nothing less from the disciple of my rival."

Sasuke shoots them both a puzzled look, panting from where he stands across from them. Although he is grateful for the challenge they pose, he still doesn't quite understand how two such incredibly talented shinobi ended up looking the way they do. With their identical bowl cuts and impressively bushy eyebrows, one would see them on the battlefield and find it hard not to laugh. However, there lies a vast amount of strength and deadly speed behind their comical appearances, something he is currently learning all over again.

Sasuke originally had no plans to train with anyone that day, and was even looking forward to a few hours of practice alone. He randomly passed by Lee on the streets on his way to the training grounds, and the green-clad ninja was ecstatic as he told Sasuke how nice it was to see him and asked where the Uchiha was going on such a "fine, youthful day."

Sasuke merely gazed at Lee, not quite knowing how to handle such direct, intense attention from him, and replied, "Training."

This prompted Lee to proclaim that he was heading to train as well—with his sensei, unsurprisingly—and that Sasuke should join them so they could compare how they'd grown over the years. The Uchiha barely had time to open his mouth to say no before Lee was herding him away.

"This is the perfect opportunity to see how your skills have developed, Uchiha Sasuke!" Guy yelled enthusiastically when they arrived at the training grounds. "Let's see how the taijutsu of the Uchiha Clan holds up against everlasting youth!"

Sasuke sighed. There was no arguing with Guy once he had an idea, and Sasuke figured he hadn't trained with someone as fast as him—faster, even—in quite some time, so no harm could come of it.

"Uchiha Sasuke-san!" Lee shouts, drawing Sasuke's attention back to their fight. The taijutsu user stands with his arm bent at a ninety degree angle, hand curled into a fist, brows pulled together in determination. "To make this battle even more worthwhile, how about we make a bet?"

Sasuke tilts his head, wondering exactly what Lee could want from him.

"I know that I have no chance against you in winning Sakura-san's heart," Lee continues without a pause, dark eyes flaring, "but if I win today, please allow me to take Sakura-san out on a date!"

Sasuke's eyes widen imperceptibly. He recalls the loud ninja's endless adoration for Sakura back in their genin days, and how she vehemently refused every attempt he made to woo her. He found the whole thing annoying back then, and figured that Lee's crush on his pink-haired teammate would have faded by now.

Staring at the conviction on Lee's face, he realizes he was very wrong.

Sasuke considers telling Lee that he has no control over who Sakura dates and that even if her admirer were to win, there's no way she would be forced into something she didn't want to do. But the fact that Lee is so adamant on winning stirs something inside him that has him ignoring that fact as he raises a brow and asks, "And if I win?"

"I will never interfere with your love again!" Lee cries. "I swear by it!"

"Hn." Sasuke doesn't know what information Lee received to make him believe that he and Sakura are romantically involved in any way, but he figures his victory will result in one less annoyance in his life, and so he nods in agreement.

Lee beams in return and lets out an exuberant, "Yosh!"

"Do not fail me, Lee!" Guy yells, and slaps his student across the back so hard he nearly topples over.

Tears well in Lee's eyes. "I will make you proud, Guy-sensei!"

Sasuke merely shakes his head—he will never understand their strange relationship—activates his Sharingan, and lowers himself into an offensive stance.

Lee does the same, and Sasuke attacks.

* * *

"So," Sakura begins casually two days later, "care to tell me why Lee came to the hospital two days ago apologizing to me for losing to you and crying because he said he was officially giving up on me so that you and I could be happy together? Oh, and if you could explain why he congratulated us on our 'everlasting' and 'youthful' love for each other and said that he would be cheering us on, that would be great too."

Sasuke lowers the book from his face and leans back in his chair. He's currently sitting at her dining table, posture lax, legs splayed out before him. Sakura doesn't look up from where she lazes comfortably on the couch, painting her nails a bright green color that matches her eyes perfectly.

Sasuke clears his throat. "Lee invited me to spar with him," he replies stoically. "He set up a bet between us and I agreed to it."

Sakura chuckles and shoots him an observing glance. "Since when did the great Uchiha Sasuke partake in bets? And with Lee of all people?"

Sasuke's lips twist into a shallow frown. He turns his attention back to his book as he flatly says, "He's been fawning over you since we were genin. It was about time he came to his senses and moved on."

There's silence, but Sasuke refuses to look up again lest he say anything else out of character.

Finally he hears her quiet laugh, and he pictures her shaking her head at him in amusement as she turns back to her nails.

Sasuke relaxes, safe from any more probing questions, and continues reading.


	12. Chapter 12

Sakura finds him upon her return from a mission a few weeks later. Sasuke's running through intense long-distance target practice at one of the largest training grounds and senses her presence several yards behind him before he actually sees her. Gripping three kunai, Sasuke whirls around and fires them in her direction.

Sakura catches all three of them easily between her fingers, grinning at him. "Trying to scare me off, Sasuke-kun?"

"Hn." He lowers his arm and shoves both his hands into the pockets of his black pants. "Did you just return from your mission?"

"Yup," she replies happily, twirling one of the kunai around her index finger. She steps closer to him and smiles. "It was challenging, but I loved every second of it."

Sasuke notes the streaks of dirt on her cheek and the small specks of blood on her vest. She must've come straight from her mission debrief to see him. "You're not going to rest?" he asks, but already he's shifting into an offensive stance. He recognizes the look in her eyes. She's thirsty for battle still, itching to drive her fist into anything that gets in her way, dying for a challenge.

Her green eyes gleam with energy and without the Sharingan activated he barely dodges in time to avoid the kunai she aims at his head. It whizzes past him at a frightening speed, driven by her chakra-infused strength, and he watches wide-eyed as it explodes directly through a tree behind him. A hit like that would've taken off the head of a lesser, slower nin.

But Sasuke is neither of these, and he activates his Sharingan as he turns back to face her, a shallow smirk pulling at his lips, hand curling around the handle of his chokutō.

A fierce, hungry smile grows on Sakura's face when she takes in the sight of his Sharingan, and it fills him with adrenaline. She wants a real battle from him and he's more than willing to give her one.

Sasuke attacks and he does not hold back. Sakura is fast, however, and excels at dodging everything he throws at her. His chokutō swipes at her legs in a metallic arc, but she flips into the air and sends a barrage of senbon flying at him. He rolls to avoid them and, crouching to the ground, performs the necessary hand signs for a destructive Katon jutsu. Fire erupts from his mouth, chasing her, and she retaliates with a Suiton jutsu the size of which he's never seen before. A giant tsunami wave comes crashing down upon him and he narrowly escapes being crushed to death by it, launching himself into the nearby trees.

His Rinnegan takes everything in, analyzing the way her chakra works to manipulate the wave, and he realizes that she's using a jutsu he's unable to copy. The Sharingan grants him a great advantage in battle, allowing him to recreate almost any jutsu, but he notices that the chakra control required for this particular jutsu is out of his ability. Not even the strongest Sharingan can copy the precise chakra control he lacks and that Sakura so easily utilizes.

She's incredibly gifted in this sense, and he knows she's purposefully using jutsu he won't be able to copy. Sakura is a genius in battle, able to strategize and formulate plans even he can't think of, but their training sessions together so far have never been terribly intense.

However, even this early on in their fight, Sasuke can already sense that this one is going to be different from the rest. He thinks he'll have quite a challenge against her, and looks forward to it with a hunger that isn't entirely battle related.

The wave effectively turns his Katon jutsu into a cloud of steam. The remainder of it crashes into the ground he previously occupied and the pure, calculated strength behind it coupled with her perfectly regulated chakra carves a crater in the ground. Sakura lands on the edge of the crater gracefully, knees bending to absorb the impact.

She rises to her feet and finds his hiding spot with ease, narrowing her eyes at him vehemently. Pink hair swirls about her head and her lips are pulled into a feral line. She's not scared of him in the slightest, and she drops into an offensive stance before her hands run through another set of signs he's unfamiliar with.

He takes her in, analyzing every bit of her with his mismatched eyes. Sakura appears to him as some sort of bloodthirsty warrior goddess, terrifyingly beautiful, and indeed he can't say that his hunger is entirely directed toward their battle.

The strength behind her repertoire of jutsu, he comes to learn as they continue sieging upon each other, lies not in numbers but in the precise manner through which she executes them. Sasuke can sense the sheer number of hours she's spent polishing them, tweaking and molding them until they become something entirely unique to her. She is extremely comfortable with each jutsu she performs, knowing the strengths and weaknesses of each and every one—a feat only a few shinobi can accomplish.

It makes her a daunting and ridiculously talented opponent, and Sasuke can only imagine the fear of those she's sent out to pursue on missions once they encounter her.

And yet, while this is a battle far more intense than any other they've had before, Sasuke still can't bring himself to use his chidori against her. Seeing the horror flash in her eyes the first time they trained together all those months ago brought forth a fresh wave of self-hatred within him, the effects of which still haunt him on a daily basis. Memories of his attempt on her life were forced to the forefront of his mind in a way he was utterly unprepared for, and her terrified expression from that day on the bridge follows him into his nightmares more often than he likes to admit.

Sakura might have been able to open up to him about her trauma from that day, but when it comes to his own?

It's something Sasuke is not and fears will never be ready to face.

* * *

They continue on for the next thirty minutes, and Sasuke gradually becomes more and more exhausted. Sakura, however, just returned from a mission, and she tires much faster than him.

Despite this, at one point—thinking her to be slowing down—he underestimates her endurance. The mistake leaves him with two cracked ribs and a nearly dislocated jaw that he's sure is turning a nasty purple. He doubles over and hisses at the pain, cursing himself for forgetting her newfound speed, even in her current fatigued state.

He thinks that the Sakura of his past would be running over and crying, apologizing to him over and over again through her tears as she asks if he's okay. The Sakura of his present, on the other hand, merely wipes away blood from the corner of her mouth and chuckles.

"Getting a little slow there, Sasuke-kun," she says, and lifts a taunting brow at him.

He huffs out a breath—his equivalent of a laugh. "I haven't gotten any slower, Sakura," he replies, wincing. "You've just gotten faster."

He catches a glimpse of the shock widening her eyes at his compliment before he flash-steps behind her and his kunai slashes through her vest. She moves just in time to avoid any real damage as he nicks the surface of her skin, drawing a thin line of blood. Leaping away, she fires a barrage of kunai at him, and then they're at it again.

Finally, ten minutes later—she with bruises all over her body and a nasty puncture wound in her thigh that she couldn't find the time or energy to heal, covered from head to toe in dirt and grime and dripping with sweat—he gets the upper hand despite his wounds—the pain of his jaw and ribs fading with the adrenaline still pulsing through his veins—and he takes her down with a carefully placed blow to her stomach.

Sakura's knocked to the ground with the force of it, her reaction time lagging due to her exhaustion. Sasuke takes advantage of this and leaps on her instantly, one hand gripping her shoulder and the other bringing his chokutō up to her neck. She falls on her back with his weight and her head slams to the ground with a resounding crack. She lets out a cry, and for a moment Sasuke is filled with concern—did she fracture her skull?—but then she begins to struggle against him, and he pins her down with his bent knees resting on either side of her hips.

He breathes heavily through his mouth, locking eyes with her as she struggles a little more before finally stilling beneath him. She glares for a moment, her chest rising and falling rapidly, and then a small smile curves her lips.

"You win, Sasuke-kun," she sighs. "I surrender."

"Hn." Sasuke lowers his chokutō from her neck and can't help but smirk down at her.

Seconds pass by and the adrenaline starts to drain from his body, but for some reason he doesn't move. Pain from his various injuries begins to settle in, along with the acute awareness of how intimate their position is. He feels the heat radiating from Sakura's much smaller body as she pants beneath him, staring up at him. Her eyes—previously glinting with humor and exhaustion—slowly haze over with confusion, because he should have jumped off of her immediately after being sure of his victory. Her gaze flickers from his lips and back to his eyes so fast anyone else might've missed it, but he notices the movement with every fiber of his being. Her green eyes spark with something raw and full of heat that has his jaw clenching, his hand tightening around her shoulder as he fights the urge to see if the sweat-sheened curve of her neck tastes as good as it looks.

"Sasuke-kun?" she whispers, and her hand reaches up, tapping his from where it remains clutching at her shoulder. "I surrender. I won't try to attack you. You can trust me."

And he sighs inwardly to himself, because of course that's why she would think he was still holding her, still pinning her down. The thought that he might be struggling with his attraction to her would never cross her mind. Especially not when he can barely even admit it to himself.

He lets out a light breath and slowly rises from his hunched position, slipping his chokutō back into its holster and watching as she follows suit, grimacing.

"Damn, I hurt all over," she groans, sticking out her tongue at him. "I haven't had a fight like that in a long time."

Sasuke merely shrugs and gives her an examining look. "You asked for it."

"Very true," she admits. "I honestly don't know what got into me. After my mission, I was still too full of adrenaline—it's like my body was itching for another fight. You're the first person that came to mind, and I figured you'd be somewhere training, so I went looking for you right after my mission briefing."

He nods, already having understood her need from the moment he met her eyes before their battle—she's very expressive by nature and her face is like an open book, but he also likes to think that he's come to know this older, more mature Sakura at least decently well over the last few months, and so it wasn't hard at all to tell what she wanted.

She walks forward to stand before him, hand glowing green, and he frowns down at her. "Heal yourself first, Sakura," he says firmly. "I'm fine."

She rolls her eyes at him and gestures with her hand for him to sit down. He narrows his eyes at this and doesn't move.

Despite his rigid stance, he's no match for her chakra-infused strength as she grasps his shoulders and pushes him down, gentle yet forceful at the same time. With a grunt—half out of annoyance that she thinks it's okay to bully him around like this and half out of annoyance at himself that he lets her—he lands on his ass in the dirt and can do nothing but glare at her as she kneels beside him, smiling victoriously.

"I'm the medic here, Sasuke-kun," she scolds. "I know you don't like being bossed around, but I'd like to think I know what I'm doing with these things. Now do I have to push you again or will you be nice and lay down for me so I can fix up those ribs?"

He debates arguing for a moment, but his ribs really are starting to hurt, and so he does as she asks (albeit with a scowl and a mutter of "Annoying" that has her smacking his arm in return).

He watches as she hovers her palms over his ribcage, and the relief is almost immediate. The warmth of her chakra soothes him, and he fights the urge to close his eyes as she slowly mends his broken bones, wanting to continue observing her instead.

It occurs to him as he watches her that even though she said she started healing him first because it was obviously the choice a medic would make, he doubts that she would ever put herself before her friends, even if she were critically injured and should probably worry about herself more.

Almost as if reading his thoughts, Sakura says quietly, "I can't stand seeing those I care about in pain when there's something I can do about it, no matter how hurt I might be. Just ask Naruto—he gives me a hard time every time I insist on taking care of his injuries before my own."

She's silent for a few moments and the sound of her chakra continuously pumping into him is all that fills his ears. Then calmly she continues, "One of the first things I learned as a medical ninja in training was a set of rules. Tsunade-shishou made sure I memorized them before any real training. The first one states that no medic nin shall stop treatment until their patient dies and they're forced to stop, and the second states that no medic nin shall ever stand on the front lines. The third one...it basically says that the medic nin should always be the last to die in a platoon, because they are key to a team's survival and should be protected."

Sakura pauses, brows furrowing as she focuses on what he can only assume is an especially intricate part of his injury.

Sasuke gives her a minute, and then he states, "You were on the front lines with us during the War." His unspoken question hangs in the air between them.

She smiles as she works. "Tsunade-shishou says the only way a medic nin can disregard those first three rules is if they master the Strength of a Hundred Technique." His eyes flicker to her forehead where the small purple diamond resides. "I happened to do just that during the War, so I technically wasn't breaking any of the rules when I joined you two." Another pause. Sakura sighs, then continues softly, "For any of my friends, I would put you all first every time, no matter what."

Finished with his ribs—he notes that it was an incredibly fast procedure, especially for her low chakra reserves, and can't help but be impressed with her talent—she shifts closer to his head and brings her hand up to hover over his jaw. Again the pain fades away easily, and he meets her eyes as she murmurs, "I guess you could call it my ninja way. Some might think it's dumb and reckless, but it's just who I am. It would kill me if any of you got hurt because I chose myself over you."

Sasuke hates the implications behind her words. "Sakura." He says her name with a certain sharpness in his tone that relays his concern, and she gives him a questioning look. "If it ever comes to my life or yours, save yourself."

Finished with his jaw, she leans back and sits with her legs crossed, gazing at him. He sits up and mimics her position, staring at her intensely, eyes narrowed.

"Although I hope it never comes to that," Sakura says, giving him a curious look, "I will always do whatever's needed to protect those I love. Even when we were genin I thought that way. So I can't say that I'll listen to you, Sasuke-kun." She tilts her head to the side and smiles.

Sasuke is quiet for a long time. A picture of twelve-year-old Sakura's back flashes in his mind, clothed in her red dress with the white Haruno circle resting between her shoulder blades. Stance wide, knees bent, short pink hair swirling in the air as she moves in front of him. It's what he saw when she protected him from Gaara all those years ago—when she threw her life on the line for him and when he realized she cared for him beyond just a simple crush.

Sasuke breaks her steady gaze and stares down at his hands that rest in his lap. He's silent still, and thinks that his life could never come close to being worth hers, but he also recognizes that this is Sakura and once she's made up her mind it's nearly impossible to dissuade her.

The sound of her medical chakra reaches his ears and he lifts his head to watch as she begins to finally heal her own wounds. He blinks slowly, entranced by her work, and realizes then that he's no better than a hypocrite.

Because he knows that if their positions were reversed in this hypothetical situation he proposed, he would risk his life for hers in an instant, without question.

"C'mon, Sasuke-kun," Sakura says, pulling him from his thoughts. She's standing now, finished with her work, hand reaching out to him. "Let's go get some food; I'm starving."

He looks up at her from his place on the ground. The sun is low in the sky, and her position in front of it lights her pink hair in a blindingly bright halo, green eyes playful as she waits patiently for him.

Yes, he thinks, he is a hypocrite indeed.

Sasuke places his hand in hers, and she hauls him to his feet, smiling.

* * *

The next time they train together five days later, Sakura is healing a nasty burn on her forearm—his Katon jutsu got the best of her—and he's standing beside her, analyzing her with narrowed eyes as she works, when he asks—more like demands—her to teach him medical ninjutsu.

She's silent at first, but then she laughs at him, telling him that she's not used to him cracking jokes. He frowns at her in response, shoves his hands into his pockets, and flatly replies that he's serious.

This shocks her into silence for another minute, and he waits patiently as the confusion plays out across her features. Finally, staring at him inquisitively, she asks him why, to which he answers that he doesn't need to explain himself to her.

She takes this in stride and repeats her question again, this time with an edge to her tone.

Sasuke simply sighs and turns his gaze to the forest surrounding them. The wind whistles through the trees, and it carries his words to her as he mutters that she's not the only one who has precious people she wants to protect.

Finally he looks at her again. She's staring at him thoughtfully, a smile playing on her lips.

She tells him that she's not sure if he has the chakra control for anything too complex, but that she believes he can pick up on a few simple healing procedures, and so she agrees.

He nods his head at her, satisfied with her response, and asks her when they can start.

* * *

Sasuke's horrible at medical ninjutsu and it frustrates him to no end.

Sakura is a talented and patient teacher, but he's not and never has been patient with himself when it comes to learning new techniques. He's always excelled at learning and applying different skills; even the hardest, most complicated jutsu have only taken him maybe a week or two to master.

However, after three separate training sessions over the span of two weeks and plenty of time spent practicing on his own, Sasuke can barely get his chakra under control for long enough to even attempt to examine the wounds of the half-dead fish Sakura brings him. She tells him that his main fault is that he's used to utilizing large amounts of chakra at once for jutsu, as most ninja do. With medical ninjutsu, she says, it's just the opposite—one must use smaller, more precise amounts of chakra over a longer period of time.

"Dammit," he growls under his breath as the chakra in his hands flares out against his will and, in a mini explosion, effectively creates a bloody crater in the current fish's body. If it weren't completely dead before it certainly is now, and Sasuke glowers at it as he wipes blood and fish guts off his hands.

"That was better than last time," Sakura tells him, her voice sounding over his shoulder as she bends down to check his progress. She sounds impressed even though he's barely accomplished anything. "Try it again, but this time don't force your chakra together all at once. It's kind of strange, but if you focus too hard, that oftentimes leads to an excessive buildup of chakra and can actually be damaging. Medical ninjutsu is all about balancing your chakra flow with the severity of the patient's injury. Too much chakra will do more harm than good, and too little won't heal a thing." Sakura places a new fish before him. "Try it again."

Sasuke nods, gritting his teeth, and begins again.

After another hour of practice, five more exploded fish and very little progress, Sasuke swears vehemently under his breath, frustrated, and rises from his cross-legged position in the grass. Sakura is busy going through various kata a few feet away from him in the middle of the training grounds, form lithe and graceful, but she stops when she notices him moving.

"Finished for today?" she asks, adjusting her hitai-ate.

"Aa." If he sees another fish he thinks he might just hurt someone.

"You did well, Sasuke-kun." Sasuke almost snorts at this, acutely aware he didn't accomplish a damn thing and sure she must be mocking him, but she sounds sincere and so he bites his tongue. "For someone who doesn't have a natural knack for chakra control, you're further ahead than I thought you would be by now."

"...Hn."

"Wanna come to my place for dinner?" she asks, reaching down to pick up her weapons pouch and effectively ignoring his brooding. "I accidentally told Naruto earlier that I was planning on cooking tonkatsu tonight and he basically invited himself and Sai over." She smiles at the thought. "I think I bought enough meat for the four of us, so you're more than welcome."

With his sour mood, his natural instinct is to reject her offer and lock himself in his apartment for the rest of the day. But she's looking at him with wide, expectant eyes, and he finds his irritation fading away the longer he gazes at her.

"Fine."

"Great!" She claps her hands together and he has a feeling she knew he would give in to her. "I'll head home first to start cooking, then. Come by in an hour or so! See ya, Sasuke-kun!"

With that, Sakura bounds away, nearly skipping as she goes.

Sasuke watches her retreating form for a few moments before turning to stare at the pile of dead fish at his feet. The last one he worked on isn't as bad as the rest, and most of its body is still intact save for a small gash near its tail and a nasty char blackening its scales from his excessive chakra.

He narrows his eyes at it, and, twisting his head from side to side to make sure no one's watching, kicks it clear across the training grounds. Satisfied, he stuffs his hands in his pockets and heads to his apartment.


	13. Chapter 13

Over the months since Sasuke returned to the village it's become easy to ignore the nightmares that haunt him in his sleep. It's become easy to pretend like the memories of the past don't still terrify him more than he likes to admit.

The sense of peace he's found seems so concrete, so absolute at times. But then one nightmare, one single instance of remembering the horrors he committed sends him spiraling backward.

Everyone around him seems to have forgiven him for the past. Why, then, is it so goddamn difficult to forgive himself?

"Sasuke-kun?" Sakura's voice, light and inquisitive, draws his attention.

Meeting her curious gaze, Sasuke realizes that he's been staring at her for quite some time. It's a Sunday afternoon, and clouds hang low in the sky, casting the outside world in dreary shades of grey. Sasuke returned from a mission earlier that morning and, after wandering around his apartment aimlessly, invited himself over to Sakura's.

Looking at him now, she puts down her medical textbook and turns to face him fully on the couch beside him, knees drawn to her chest.

The tenderness in Sakura's eyes, he thinks, contrasts so sharply with the fear they held when he drove his chidori at her, fully intending to end her life.

The thought has his throat tightening almost to the point of pain. Nausea sweeps over him in an unwelcome wave, and he attempts to avert his eyes before she can see the torment that's surely brewing in them, but of course there's not much he can hide from her.

Sakura reaches forward and touches her hand to his forearm. "Is everything all right, Sasuke-kun?" she asks softly.

And despite the months of peace and happiness he's enjoyed since he returned, he can sense himself beginning to fall. It's times like this—fewer and farther between but still very much so _real_ —that he wants nothing more than to scream, to curl upon himself and let needles of self-loathing and regret pierce into him until he's numb from the pain.

Sasuke pulls away from her, trying not to see the concern flashing in her eyes. He puts his own book away and turns to lie down on the couch. For a moment he considers leaving to deal with his demons in the isolation of his apartment—it would be easier—but knows Sakura would grow even more worried if he just walked away.

"I'm tired," he replies quietly. He hopes she can't hear the battle raging inside him in the tone of his voice, though it's wishful thinking at best. This isn't the first time she's taken notice of his usually carefully guarded thoughts, nor is it the first time he's pushed her away as a result.

And he's certain it won't be the last. Because even though it's something he can barely admit to himself, much less to others, he is afraid—thoroughly, suffocatingly afraid. Forever afraid of opening up to Sakura only for her to be sickened by what she sees, or better yet for her to look at him again like she did that day on the bridge—terrified and heartbroken, and all because of him. All because of the monster he became.

Deep down, Sasuke knows that he's in the wrong. He knows he's being irrational. Because underneath the protective shell he painstakingly built around himself for so many years and that in part still stubbornly remains despite all Naruto did to break it down, there's nothing he longs for more than to open up to her. He craves to lay himself completely bare to her—tainted past, bloody nightmares and all. Wants to fall to her knees and beg for the forgiveness she's already given him a thousand-fold in hopes that it'll somehow convince him to forgive himself.

It is one thing, however, to want to explain himself to her. It is another thing entirely to actually do it. After all, letting others in is something he's always failed to learn how to do, time and time again.

And out of every person he's hurt before, Sakura is the last one who deserves to have to deal with him when he's on the verge of shattering. She's already seen enough, experienced enough, been put through a lifetime's worth of suffering at his hand. Sasuke knows she would do anything in her power to help him despite all that he's done to her—but he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he somehow hurt her again.

He can barely live with himself as it is.

So Sasuke closes his eyes, drawing further into himself, because if there's one thing he's mastered over the years, it's pushing away the people who care about him most.

Sakura remains silent, and it's not until he's half-asleep some time later that he feels a blanket being thrown carefully over him, her fingertips brushing lightly against his cheek.

"I'm here for you if you need me, Sasuke-kun," she whispers.

Her words follow him into sleep, chasing away the nightmares that haunt him.

If only they would stay away for good.


	14. Chapter 14

Usually when Sasuke sleeps, he dreams of red. Red, red, red; splattered upon the ground, over the bare skin of his feet, warm and sticky and disgustingly vibrant.

Ever since that horrific night his family died and his entire world fell off its axis Sasuke has rarely been able to sleep properly. But his nightmares come and go in waves—fading to nothing for weeks yet returning twofold at the snap of a finger—and as they come they haunt him to varying torturous degrees.

Some nights he's seven years old again, staring at the lifeless bodies of his parents as Itachi hovers over them, sinister and towering. Blood coats the walls, the ground, and when he tries to close his eyes from the sight his body fails to listen. Some nights he's running—running as fast as he possibly can but it's never fast enough because the ghosts of his dead family chase at his feet, clawing at him and screaming for help.

Eventually he gives up, falling to the ground and letting them do to him what they wish. He always wakes up thinking he deserves it, for living when they had to die.

Red—yes, usually he dreams of red. Of massacres and misery. Tonight, however—for some unknown reason—his subconsciousness is kind, and he dreams of his friends.

He dreams of Sakura and Naruto, laughing and joyful. They're bathed in sunlight and it hurts his eyes to look at them, radiant as they are.

Yet the only thing he can think of is that he'll gladly go blind. Gladly and a hundred times over, if only to know that they are happy.

* * *

Sasuke and Naruto are silent as they pass by the village gates on their way to the training grounds. For Sasuke silence is usually a comfortable blanket, preferable in almost every situation, but today it leaves him tense and restless. Especially since Naruto is the loudest, most talkative idiot he knows, and even the blond has remained eerily mute at his side.

Sasuke does his best to keep his gaze locked on the path before them but falters at the last second. His eyes flicker to the village gates, take in the lack of a certain pink-haired kunoichi, and snap back just as quickly. Annoyance flashes through him, along with an underlying current of bitter, ceaseless concern.

He tries to think of something else. Anything else. It's absurd, really. Just because Sakura is two weeks late from her mission with no word from her or her team doesn't mean he should be losing goddamn sleep over it—

"I'm worried about her, too," Naruto says quietly.

Sasuke turns to find the blond gazing at the village gates. He's not sure how Naruto saw the subtle shifting of his eyes, or if Naruto could simply sense the waves of apprehension nearly pouring out of him.

The Uchiha's initial response is denial. To admit to his worry will show that he cares, and Sasuke is still so, so very unused to doing so. It's a given, seeing that he drilled it into himself for years: a toxic mantra of l _ove is weakness, bonds will only hold you back, do not let others know you care you should NOT let yourself care_. He's spent the better part of the last year trying to rid himself of such unhealthy, automatic reactions—especially since Naruto and Sakura know him well enough to see through them—but his work, evidently, is far from finished.

Sasuke's throat tightens at the thought. He recalls the look on Sakura's face the last time he saw her that gloomy day in her apartment. The unspoken questions flashing in her eyes as he woke up on her couch after nearly breaking down in front of her. The wistful twist of her lips when he refused to open up to her yet again, leaving her with nothing but a quiet "Thank you" and the sight of his traitorous back as he walked out the door.

Sasuke takes a deep breath and wars with every natural instinct in him as he asks, "There's no word from Kakashi yet?"

Naruto meets his eyes and Sasuke swears he sees a flash of approval in them. "I don't know what you're talking about, dobe" and a cold shoulder are by far the reactions Naruto expected out of him.

"Not as of this morning." Naruto rubs at the back of his neck and exhales loudly. "I trust Sakura-chan with all my heart. I do. She's the strongest kunoichi I know and she would kick my ass if she knew I was worrying about her." He casts one last look at the village gates before they've passed by them entirely. Softly now he says, "But two weeks is a long time for anyone to be late from a mission, especially since it was only supposed to take a few days to complete."

Sasuke frowns. Naruto's played the role of optimist in their team for as long as he can remember. To hear the quiet unease in the blond's voice and see the uncertainty in his blue eyes sets Sasuke entirely on edge.

Haruno Sakura, he knows, is anything but weak. She's resilient, independent, strong. The fact that she's nearly two weeks late from her mission shouldn't worry him.

But it does. Oh, but it does. This inherent concern for her wellbeing, this desperate need to know she's okay—it's kept him up at night these past few weeks more than he likes to admit.

Sasuke checks himself before his emotions have the chance to spiral. Giving in to his temper has never done him much good before, and he's sure to get a slap on the hand from Kakashi if he destroys half the training grounds as he's so tempted to do.

"Why hasn't Kakashi sent out a search team?" Sasuke questions, jaw working.

"The old man thinks we need to trust her." Naruto jabs a finger at the ground before them. "I tried to tell him that I do, and he said and I quote, 'Sakura is a big girl and I will not undermine her abilities as team captain. If I find it necessary to send out a search team I will, but until then I expect you to carry out your duties as usual blah blah blah.'"

The high-pitched, nasally voice Naruto used when speaking as Kakashi would've brought a half-smile to Sasuke's lips in any other circumstance. And given the eager look he sees Naruto send him from the corner of his eye, it's exactly the result the blond hoped for. Now it only serves to pique his annoyance.

Naruto continues to stare at him, expectant. Sasuke counts backward from ten in his head, willing himself not to react, but—

" _What?_ " Sasuke finally snaps, unable to help himself.

"Nothing!" Naruto waves a hand in the air, looking sheepish. "I guess—it's just…"

"What _is it_ , Naruto?" the Uchiha says from behind clenched teeth.

"Fine, fine." Naruto sighs, and he watches as the blond's face loses its playful demeanor, instead growing solemn and reflective. "I just don't think I've ever seen you look so"—a pause as Naruto gathers his thoughts—"so troubled before. Usually I'm the one throwing a fit over Sakura-chan's safety and you're telling me to shut up."

Yet every time Sasuke worried just as much, if not more. He always has. He just never knows how to express it.

Sasuke bows his head a little in acquiescence, silent. For those few who know him well it's a glaring concession to his apprehension; as such it's more than enough of a reason for Naruto to touch a tanned hand to his shoulder.

And although the blond remains silent as well, Sasuke can feel exactly what Naruto means to convey through the touch: _I understand. What you're feeling is normal. You're not alone._

"C'mon, teme." Naruto's voice is soft. "Let's go get some lunch. My treat."

They're supposed to be on their way to the training grounds, but to argue with the blond would require energy Sasuke can't find it in him to muster. So he simply nods in response and lets Naruto drag him away to Ichiraku's.

* * *

Restless, agitated, apprehensive—all words Sasuke would never before use to describe himself, yet somehow, unerringly, they become constant in his life. And with each day that passes without sight or news of Sakura their grip on him tightens.

More often than not he contemplates disobeying Kakashi's orders and leaving the village to search for her himself, but he realizes that doing so would be vastly detrimental to the already thin line he walks as a free agent of Konoha. He's a war criminal, after all, and no amount of pleading from Naruto or Kakashi would be able to help him if he deserted the village again, regardless if it were for a good reason or not.

Then he goes home at night, and it's when he's alone, left with nothing but the dark plains of his own mind, that he thinks of the worst. He thinks of Sakura in foreign, enemy land, lost and drained of all reserves. Of her being held against her will, tortured and beaten. Of the life fading from her eyes while he's here in Konoha doing absolutely fucking nothing to help her.

He thinks of the worst, and it very nearly breaks him.

* * *

Sasuke bolts upright in his bed, chest heaving and sweat beading on his forehead. Panic races through his veins, oxygen fails to find its way into his lungs, and he's drowning, suffocating from the fear and horror pounding into his very bones.

His fingers dig into the mattress below him and he squeezes his eyes shut as he attempts to calm himself.

He's only rarely had nightmares this intense—nearly forgot the weight they hold, how incredibly real they can seem. Even now he presses his palms into his eyes, reliving the nightmare, powerless to tear himself away.

_He can almost feel Sakura in his arms as she bleeds out beneath him, a gaping hole in her chest from where his chidori burned into her. Unable to control himself, as if he's a puppet to some unknown being, he's forced to watch as he lets her body fall to the ground with a wet, sickening thud. A sea of crimson begins to claw its way over the concrete bridge beneath her._

Sasuke curls into himself, hunching over, and he's breathing so fast he's sure he's on the brink of hyperventilating.

_Sakura's lifeless eyes are wide as they stare blankly at the grey sky above. Her mouth is open, frozen in the beginning of a scream. She wasn't even able to let it out before he buried his hand in her chest. Blood runs slowly down her chin and he watches—helpless—as it drips into the growing pool below._

He tries to regulate his breathing but finds out soon enough that it's futile. A firestorm of self-loathing takes hold of him and he thinks he might just choke from the potency of it.

_Achingly slow his hand lifts until it's inches from his face. It's coated in her blood, still disgustingly warm, and the sight and feel of it is something he doesn't think he'll ever be able to forget._

His nails press into his forehead, nearly piercing the skin there. And although he knows it's just a dream, he can't help but feel like he's breaking apart from the inside out. None of his other nightmares have been as realistic as this. Never in his nightmares has he actually succeeded in killing her.

_"S-Sakura-chan?"_

No. His jaw clenches and the bed beneath him vibrates from the force of his shaking. No no no no no no. If he has to see this again—

_Sasuke's head whips up to find Naruto standing ten feet away. The blond's eyes are locked on the body of his lifeless teammate, wide and so utterly lost, as if he can't believe the sight before him. Sasuke can't bear to look at him. He tries so hard to turn away and yet he can't move an inch, rooted in the spot, forced to watch as the disbelief in Naruto's eyes morphs into bone-chilling agony because the girl he loves is dead, and the friend he's tried for so long to save is the one who killed her—_

A single tear slips from his closed eyes, completely out of his control.

_"SAKURA-CHAN!" Naruto screams._

And it's the most heartbreaking thing Sasuke's ever heard.


	15. Chapter 15

The last thing Sasuke expects to hear as he makes his way down a barren alleyway on his way home nearly a week later is the sound of Sakura's laugh.

For a moment he thinks his mind is playing games with him. It wouldn't be unexpected, really. Not after the brutal nightmares and merciless bouts of self-hatred. No, hallucinating wouldn't be the worst of it; Sasuke found himself half-thinking he was going mad numerous times over the last few days.

So he keeps walking, anger pulsing through his veins, sneering to himself, _Idiot. Stupid. Getting your fucking hopes up over nothing_ —

But then he hears it again—that full, hearty laugh, cheerful and carefree. And Sasuke finds himself reeling as a result.

Because it _is_ her laugh, and he doesn't quite know what to do with the sharp, almost painful relief that slams into him. It's akin to the feeling of whiplash; after days of vicious distress and anxiety, he finds the sudden change in emotion—the feeling of knowing that Sakura is safely back in Konoha—nearly unbearable.

He whips around in the direction of her voice, heart racing, and his world narrows down solely to the fact that she is _alive_. Alive and well enough to be laughing in Konoha's streets. His eyes immediately alight on her from where she stands at the alleyway's intersection to the main street just fifty feet away from him, and he's once again floored by the high he feels simply from seeing that she looks unharmed.

Sakura's smiling widely, green eyes joyous as she nods at something a passing civilian says to her. There's a bag of groceries dangling from her arm, and she's wearing a casual white shirt and navy skirt—the outfit she often wears on her days off.

It's then that Sasuke realizes that she hasn't just returned. If anything, it looks like she's been back for quite some time. Obviously enough time for her to check in with Kakashi and freshen up at home before heading out to do some grocery shopping.

The realization weighs on his chest like a physical blow—the knowledge that she would return weeks late from a mission, no word from her or her team in just as long, and begin going about her chores before thinking to let him know she was home safe.

How little, Sasuke wonders, feeling more than just a little unstable—just how little must she think he cares for her? To return quietly, letting him go for Kami knows how long worrying that something happened to her until he ran into her on the goddamn streets? Despite knowing that he's being completely irrational, he can't help but wonder if she ever thought—all those weeks she was gone—that he _just might_ be concerned for her well-being.

He watches as Sakura clasps hands with the civilian in farewell. She waves and begins to turn away, toward Sasuke's direction, smiling all the while.

And his blood begins to boil with fury. _Idiot_ , he seethes. Selfish, _greedy_ idiot.

Because who is he, out of all people, to expect otherwise? Who is he—murderer, traitor, bloodthirsty good-for-nothing _monster_ —to expect Haruno Sakura to know that he cares for her? To know that less than two years ago his hand was indeed at her throat and he had every intention of ending her life, but that despite it all now the thought of never seeing her again terrifies him to a degree he can barely comprehend?

As if she can sense his thoughts, Sakura slowly turns her head and meets his gaze from across the alley. She smiles as she recognizes him, radiant. Her eyes light up like she's received the greatest gift of her life just from seeing him.

He doesn't deserve it.

 _Sakura's lifeless eyes are wide as they stare blankly at the grey sky above. Her mouth is open, frozen in the beginning of a scream_ —

His hands flex at his side. Open, closed, open, closed. Blood rushes through his head, deafening and shrill.

"Sasuke-kun!" she calls. His heart twists at the elation in her voice.

Sakura begins to walk toward him and he takes her in with almost feverish intent, scanning her for injuries, analyzing the cadence of her step to ensure she doesn't falter in the slightest.

Nothing. Not even a scratch.

He feels he could almost fall to his knees from the force of his relief. And yet part of him can't help but think that he doesn't deserve to worry about her as he does. Doesn't _deserve_ to feel such relief at seeing her home, safe and smiling—

"Long time no see! Where are you headed?" Sakura asks, looking up at him with delight as she comes to stand before him.

_Blood runs slowly down her chin and he watches, helpless—_

"I was just getting some groceries before heading home," she continues. "Everything in my fridge went bad." She waves a hand in the air, grinning. "But I really shouldn't be complaining. I'm just happy to be home."

 _Achingly slow, his hand lifts until it's inches from his face. It's coated in her blood, still disgustingly warm_ —

"Enough about me, though. Where are you headed? If you're on your way home let's walk togeth—"

She stops short. Sasuke watches as the smile falls from her face, watches as she looks at him, really and truly taking him in. The joy drains from her eyes to be replaced by heavy concern.

" _S-Sakura-chan?"_

"What's wrong, Sasuke-kun?" She sounds lethal, as if she's just about ready to hunt down and murder the cause of his evident instability.

_Sasuke's head whips up to find Naruto standing ten feet away. The blond's eyes are locked on the body of his lifeless teammate, wide and so utterly lost, as if he can't believe the sight before him._

"Nothing." He barely recognizes his own voice. Can only stare at her, breathless, his sense of reality clouding as the nightmare takes hold of him.

Sakura blinks, gaze fixing on him as if she can read his very thoughts. Her eyes narrow. "I think I know you better than that," she responds, adamant. Then, softer this time: "Please. Tell me what's wrong?"

Sasuke opens his mouth to answer, unsure of what to say. Then something catches his eye in his peripheral, and he makes the mistake of looking down. One moment all he sees is his bare hand curled into a fist at his side, and in the next moment it's coated crimson, dripping with blood.

His vision blurs and his head snaps up as terror rakes down his spine. Horrified of what he might find before him, of what he might have done, he nearly suffers a heart attack until he registers that Sakura is standing before him just as she was before, stubbornly concerned yet unharmed.

"Jesus, Sasuke-kun." His vision clears and he zeroes in on the widening of her eyes, the anguish reflected in them. "Are you okay? What happened?" She takes another step forward, hand outstretched as if to touch his cheek. He can only imagine how he looks to her.

 _Sasuke can't bear to look at him. He tries so hard to turn away and yet he can't move an inch_ —

Enough. _Enough._

Sasuke shoves his fists into his pockets and whirls around, heart thundering in his chest, his only thought of escape lest his nightmare become reality as it's clearly threatening to do. He's never been so afraid of himself.

_And he's fucking forced to watch as the disbelief in Naruto's eyes morphs into bone-chilling agony because the girl he loves is dead, and the friend he's tried for so long to save is the one who killed her—_

"Sasuke."

Sakura's voice cracks, and even though he's no longer facing her he just knows there are tears welling in her eyes.

The thought is a knife to his gut, twisting and tearing. Again. _Again_ he's hurt her. And he wants so badly to reach out to her, to tell her he's sorry, to explain himself to her and hope that she will understand—

" _SAKURA-CHAN!" Naruto screams._

But Sasuke buries the thought as quickly as it came. _What right_ does he have to ask for her forgiveness? To remain in her life, basking in the warmth she carries everywhere she goes, taking advantage of her never-ending affection day after day?

None, he thinks. He has no right.

Because Sakura is kind and selfless and caring, and he is the monster that has hurt her time and time again. He doesn't deserve her; he's not worthy of and cannot for the life of him _understand_ her love that's lasted years of countless hardships and betrayals.

And he is too fucking afraid of himself to risk putting her in harm's way again.

"Please." Sakura's voice is nothing but a faint whisper, laced with heartbreak. "I'm not too sure what's going on, Sasuke-kun. I promise I won't push you, just—please. It kills me to see you like this. Please don't walk away from me."

But isn't that his speciality? Walking away. Showing others his back. Pushing away the people who mean the most to him, time and time again.

"I'm fine, Sakura." It's the most painful lie he's ever told, because he is quite literally falling apart at the seams and has no idea what to do about it.

"I don't believe you—"

" _Just stay out of it, Sakura,_ " he snarls. How is it so dangerously natural for a person to be cruel as he can? "It doesn't concern you."

Silence. He doesn't dare turn around.

Then: "Of course, Sasuke."

She sounds tired, weary to her very core. He tries not to think of the fact that she just returned from a month-long mission, the details of which—why are you so late why didn't you contact the village do you have _any idea_ how worried I was?—remain unknown to him. She must be exhausted. Above anything she deserves a warm smile and a "I'm glad you're back," or a joking "What took you so long?"

She deserves to hear the truth despite it all—that he missed her, and that he is so, so happy she's okay.

Yet here he is treating her like she's nothing more to him than the dirt beneath his feet. Like the last year meant nothing to him.

"It never does concern me, does it?" Sakura says, steady and emotionless. "My apologies. Have a good night, Sasuke."

Sasuke listens to the sound of her footsteps fading away until he's left standing in the middle of the empty alleyway. Alone.

Just as he tries to tell himself he wanted.


	16. Chapter 16

"What did you do?"

Sasuke ignores the question, instead focusing on the force behind his throw as he runs through a senbon drill. Fifteen senbon pierce cleanly through their respective targets, all placed at one foot intervals away from each other.

He nods to himself, satisfied, before suddenly finding his vision clouded with yellow and orange and a furious blue gaze.

"I asked you a goddamn question," Naruto growls.

Sasuke swallows past the crushing guilt rising in his chest and replies smoothly, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Bullshit." Naruto's eyes flash red. "Dammit, Sasuke." He shakes his head. "After all the three of us have been through, why—"

"If you have nothing important to say"—Sasuke pulls out another set of senbon and moves away from the blond, eyeing his next targets in the forest beyond—"I'd like to get back to practice, dobe."

He tries to tell himself he's not acutely aware of the frustration and disappointment Naruto's very aura exudes but fails miserably. He takes a deep breath and prepares to fire—

"Sakura-chan would do anything for you, you know."

Sasuke freezes in the motion, senbon clenched between his fingers.

"Especially if it meant she could make you happy." Naruto sounds wistful, wise beyond his years. "And she would go to the ends of the earth if it meant she could take even the smallest bit of your pain away."

" _The truth is... I've always known in my heart that there was nothing I could have done for you," Sakura says, voice cracking. He doesn't turn around, not wanting to know what kind of look she might be giving him. "But I love you! No matter what's happened, I still care about you more than I can bear… And if I could have taken all your pain onto myself to comfort you, I would have."_

His fingers tighten around the senbon until his knuckles turn white.

"I'm not one hundred percent too sure what happened between you two," Naruto says. "Sakura-chan wouldn't tell me no matter how much I begged. You know what she said, though? What she told me as she cried and squeezed her arms around me so tight I thought she was gonna snap my spine in half?"

Sasuke lowers his hand to his side in an attempt to hide its shaking.

_He's shaking from where he stands. It's like he's twelve years old again, listening to her cry out for him to stay in the village. Her love for him—steadfast and unending—reminds him too much of his family, and it makes his resolve falter, makes him consider not challenging Naruto to fight at the Valley of the End._

_And so he buries that weakness so deep inside himself that it's easy to pretend it never existed._

Naruto continues, "She said that you are the most stubborn asshole she's ever met and you can push her away all you want for the rest of your life, but that will never change the fact that she loves you more than anything."

The senbon drop from his hand and Sasuke finds himself falling to his knees, fingers digging into the grass before him.

"And she said that no matter what it is you're beating yourself up about, she forgives you." Naruto's voice wavers like he's fighting back tears.

"She just wishes you'd learn to forgive yourself."

* * *

It's a whole half an hour after Naruto leaves that it takes for Sasuke to pick himself off the ground and begin his slow journey home. He walks away from the training grounds with little recollection of his surroundings—a mere ghost slinking through the streets, silent and invisible.

His motions are mechanical when he arrives home an unknown amount of time later. He unlocks the door, slips off his shoes, and just as he's poised to continue on something prompts him to pause. For a second he takes in the darkness of the apartment before him, the deafening silence throughout.

He inhales deeply. Closes his eyes.

A memory floats up to greet him, small and wavering. A memory that—like so many others—he locked away in the deepest parts of his mind for so many years he's surprised it resurfaces so easily now.

Sasuke holds the memory in his hand. Draws it close to him, hesitant, before letting it wash over him entirely.

_Suddenly he's six years old again, walking through the door of his childhood home after finishing at the academy. He smiles, the smell of cooked meat permeating the air, and almost trips over himself in the process of kicking off his shoes, so excited he is to see what okaa-san prepared for dinner._

" _Careful, Sasuke. Not so fast."_

_Sasuke's eyes widen. He sees nii-san walking down the stairs across from him, dressed in his casual long-sleeved t-shirt and black pants._

" _Nii-san!" he exclaims. He's barrelling down the hallway in the next second, hands spread wide as he throws himself into his brother's arms. "You're home early!"_

_Itachi chuckles as he holds Sasuke to him in a brief hug. "My mission ended sooner than I thought."_

_He puts Sasuke back on his feet. Undeterred, the younger Uchiha beams up at him, elated to see Itachi home when he thought he'd be gone for at least another week._

" _Itachi-chan! Sasuke-chan! Dinner's ready!" okaa-san calls from the kitchen._

" _Let's go eat," nii-san says._

_Sasuke pouts, crossing his arms over his chest. "But I want to hear about your mission."_

_He blinks at the two fingers that poke him gently on his forehand, scowling right after. He knows what's coming, after all._

_Smiling softly, Itachi responds, "Maybe next time, Sasuke."_

Sasuke touches his hand to his cheek, shocked to find that it comes away wet. He doesn't know at what point he started crying, nor what specifically may have caused it. Maybe it was the memory of the delight he felt at seeing his brother, whom he adored like no one else. Maybe it was the simple joy he found in coming home to the smell of dinner cooking, the comforting knowledge that his family was there to greet him after a long day.

Such innocent, insignificant details he took for granted long ago. He feels the absence of them now more so than ever before as he stands at the threshold of an apartment that could smother him with its emptiness.

Sasuke swallows, the action nearly painful, and blinks the remaining tears from his eyes. With heavy steps he continues to the bathroom to shower.

It's not until he's met with the sight of his own face in the bathroom mirror that he stops and stares, unmoving.

" _I'm not too sure what's going on, Sasuke-kun. I promise I won't push you, just—please. It kills me to see you like this. Please don't walk away from me."_

Sakura's voice plays in his head, looping time and time again as he stares at his reflection and nearly breaks down at what he finds there.

Uchiha Sasuke looks in the mirror and sees a seven-year-old boy, screaming and terrified with his life ripped clean in two. He sees a twelve-year-old genin, unhinged and angry with the world. Sees the empty eyes of a seventeen-year-old traitor who's convinced himself that revenge and cruelty are all he knows. There's tears and piercing heartbreak from a teenager who realizes he just took the life of the brother who loved him all along. Then wonder and disbelief on the face of a young man as he bleeds out beside the friend he should've known would never give up on him.

Gratitude and remorse and the feeling of his heart swelling as that young man takes in the dirt-speckled face of the girl who's decided to heal him despite everything he's done.

And for the first time in years, he looks in the mirror and forces himself to see what's truly there. He sees a nineteen-year-old, broken and so very lost. A nineteen-year-old who's just barely a man, yet with eyes betraying the toll of years of trauma to such a degree no person should ever have to endure.

He takes in those bloodshot, tired eyes. The deep circles beneath them that speak of countless nights of nightmares and lost sleep. The downward curve of a mouth that rarely smiles because happiness is something he struggles to believe he deserves.

Uchiha Sasuke looks in the mirror and sees someone who can't seem to move on from his past, someone who's hated himself for so many years it's become second nature.

And for the very, very first time, he decides he's fucking tired of it.


	17. Chapter 17

"Kakashi."

The older man glances up at Sasuke in surprise from his desk, having obviously expected Sasuke to leave the Hokage office right after his mission briefing. Sure enough, however, the Uchiha continues to stand before him, rooted in the spot.

"Yes, Sasuke?" Kakashi leans forward, curious.

It takes Sasuke a few moments to answer. He nearly lacks the energy to. He's not quite too sure why he spoke in the first place, nor what he expects from having done so.

Yet his body moves on its own, and before he knows it his mouth opens and he rasps, "How did you learn to live with yourself?"

The Rokudaime tilts his head to the side. His black eyes are calculating, and Sasuke can almost see the puzzle pieces shuffling around in his head as he tries to add context to the vague question. Sasuke can barely understand it himself.

Slowly Kakashi rises from his seat and comes to stand before Sasuke. He folds his arms across his chest and leans forward ever so slightly, eyes flickering back and forth as he searches those of his former student's.

"What?" Sasuke snaps, unused to such scrutiny.

Kakashi's gaze softens at whatever he finds from his search. He leans back and moves around Sasuke to head toward the door. Sasuke watches, confused, as he pauses with a hand on the doorknob.

The older man simply gestures for him to follow. "Let's go on a little walk, shall we?"

* * *

Night begins to fall around them. The full moon is a mere translucent circle in the sky, nearly invisible against the washes of orange and pink and yellow left behind from the sinking sun.

They've just made their way through the crowded streets and have started heading toward the outskirts of the village when Kakashi asks, after almost fifteen minutes of silence between them, "This is about Sakura, isn't it?"

Sasuke whips his head to the side and stares at Kakashi's profile, but his old sensei is looking straight ahead, hands shoved into his pockets and seemingly unfazed by Sasuke's reaction.

Sasuke turns back and gazes at the dirt road before him with hooded eyes.

His silence is apparently enough of an answer because the silver-haired man continues, "I have many talents, but unfortunately mind-reading isn't one of them. Sakura may or may not have mentioned that she was worried about you after we had a meeting a few days ago."

"And what did she tell you?" Sasuke asks quietly.

"Nothing too detailed," Kakashi replies, nonchalant. "I think she respects your privacy enough to not go around telling the entire village about your personal issues. She simply said it looked like you were having a hard time, and that she wishes you would talk to her about it instead of trying to push her away."

Sasuke's chest tightens as he recalls the defeated sound of her voice when he did just that a week ago.

Suddenly Kakashi makes a sharp right into an alleyway and Sasuke follows, growing suspicious. The alleyway opens up to the beginning of a path that Sasuke hasn't visited in quite some time but that will always remained burned into his memory.

"Where are you taking me, Kakashi?" he questions sharply.

The Hokage simply turns to his former student, eyes curved in a smile. "To visit an old friend."

* * *

The sun's disappeared completely below the horizon by the time they come to stand before the grave of Nohara Rin.

Sasuke's heard of his former sensei's dark and incredibly melancholy past. It's one of the main reasons he now understands why he felt so compelled to speak in the Hokage tower earlier—because of course he's able to see a reflection of his own past in Hatake Kakashi.

But for Kakashi to bring him here, to what is without a doubt one of his most sacred and personal places—

"Sasuke," Kakashi says, "I'd like you to meet Rin. Nohara Rin. She was my teammate when I was a genin"—his voice grows fond—"and also one of my closest friends."

Knowing the incredible significance of Kakashi bringing him here—after all, he knows better than anyone what it's like to lose precious people, to only be able to visit them in a cemetery—and out of respect for Kakashi's late teammate, Sasuke bows deeply and remains there.

He only rises from his bow when Kakashi speaks again nearly a minute later. "It wasn't hard to put two and two together, once I heard from Sakura and once I saw you for myself. You've been thinking about that day in the Land of Iron, haven't you?"

"I…" Sasuke gazes at Rin's headstone, and he realizes then how close he came to being in the same position as his former sensei: the girl who loved him six feet underground by his hand, whether intending to or not. He's sure Kakashi can see the anguish in his eyes. "Yes."

"The question you asked me before—about how I learned to live with myself. Knowing you, I don't think it's something you said on a whim. What brought this about?"

Sasuke swallows. It's difficult for him to put his thoughts into words, but Kakashi's patient as ever. Finally he answers, "These last few weeks have been…difficult, for me." An egregious understatement. "It's hard for me to forgive myself for the things I've done. For how much I've hurt others." He pauses, then continues quietly, "Especially when it comes to Sakura. I thought you of all people would be able to understand, Kakashi."

Rin's grave sits before them, a glaring indication of the meaning behind his words.

Kakashi hums thoughtfully. "Is this you asking for help, then?"

Sasuke instinctively bristles at the question but forces himself to swallow his pride. "If you want to call it that."

Another thoughtful hum. "In that case, I'm honored. Honored," he says again, gently this time, "and extremely proud."

"What do you mean?"

"This conversation is one I've been wanting to have with you for a very long time now," Kakashi replies. "But you are like me in more ways than one, and I knew that pushing it too soon would do more bad than good." He chuckles. "You're stubborn, although you may not like to admit it. I knew I would need to wait until you came to me on your own, and you've taken that first step. For that I am incredibly proud of you. I know how hard it can be."

Kakashi's words ring with sincerity. Sasuke never thought he would take such a statement to heart, but now he accepts it, treasures it.

"Now tell me, Sasuke: why did Sakura look like she wanted to cry when I saw her last?"

Another knife twists in his chest at the words. "It's just as you said. I was cruel to her when she was only trying to help, and I pushed her away."

"You'll have to do better than that," Kakashi presses. "What were you pushing her away from? And why?"

He's fighting against every one of his instincts as he slowly answers, "Forgiving myself for the past...it's something I've never learned how to do. I've especially never been able to fully forgive myself for what happened that day." He draws in a shaky breath. "Recently I had a nightmare. I've always had them, every since my…ever since my family died. But never one like this. I dreamt that I killed her." He opens his eyes and stares down at his hand, palm facing upward. He thinks of the sheer terror he felt as he stood in front of Sakura a week ago and believed he saw her blood on his hands, believed that for a second his nightmare became reality. "She bled out right in front of me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. It felt so real."

"Let us be glad it wasn't real. Regardless, I know that must have been frightening for you to experience. Guilt is a wicked, ruthless thing, and it often thrives on feeding us nightmares of the things we regret most." Kakashi pauses. "Did Sakura being late from her mission have anything to do with this?"

Sasuke guesses he shouldn't be surprised at Kakashi's ability to read him so easily, but for the life of him he can't hide his shock. "That was part of it. I was...unstable, to put it lightly. I'd convinced myself something had happened to her."

"That notion was terrifying, wasn't it?"

Another egregious understatement. Sasuke can only nod in response.

"Now for my second question: why? For what reason did you turn her away when she only wanted to help you? And so harshly at that?"

The questioning now feels akin to an interrogation. He knows that's not Kakashi's intention, and he knows it's only meant to help him, but it irks him anyway. Between clenched teeth he replies, realizing how foolish he sounds with each word that comes out of his mouth, "Because I was afraid of hurting her again. She wouldn't back down any other way."

"Well," Kakashi says, a note of amusement in his tone, "we'll get to the contradiction of all these statements later." He rocks back on his feet. "You asked me earlier how I learned to live with myself, and I'll do my best to answer as honestly as I can."

Kakashi grows silent for a moment and stares with hooded eyes at Rin's grave, somber and contemplative.

"I can count on one hand the number of people I've spoken to about Rin's death in detail," he says, "and the number of people I've spoken to about how her death affected me is even lower. To this day it isn't something that's easy for me to do, so bear with me, Sasuke."

Sasuke nods once more, all traces of irritation vanishing instantly.

"At first," Kakashi begins, "even the mere thought of what had happened was enough to send me spiraling for days. I never wanted to sleep because I thought I'd rather have insomnia than face my nightmares. The nightmares—" Kakashi looks down at his hand. Sasuke watches as he flexes it, curling it into a fist before rolling it out once more. "They were horrific, to say the least. It's morbid to say I can relate to yours on a near perfect level. Time and time again I found myself waking up in the middle of the night and rushing to the bathroom, trying to scrub blood off my hands that wasn't there." Never before has Sasuke heard Kakashi's voice crack, and the sound of it now shocks him to his core. "It didn't matter that I knew deep down it wasn't my fault—that I knew it was Rin's decision. It was my hand that killed her, and because of that I grew to blame and hate myself so much I was convinced I truly was that horrible a person."

Kakashi sighs, taking a deep breath. "And it only seemed to get worse as the years went on. I tried to lose myself in my duty as a shinobi. The fighting and killing—they became second nature to me, and I tried so very hard to make those missions become my life, my identity. If I were in the village, alone in my apartment, I had nothing to distract me from myself. My head, as you can imagine, was not a very pleasant place to be. So I threw myself into the ANBU and never looked back." He laughs a sad, telling laugh. "It was the worst mistake I ever could've made, because it never worked.

"Over time I'd begun to cling on to the pain the memory of Rin's death brought me because I told myself it was my punishment for killing her. It was my way of atoning for my sins. Tearing myself down, denying myself the right to be happy, pushing away the people who only wanted to help—I thought they were the least I deserved for what I'd done. And once I'd gotten lost in that toxic cycle, it was the hardest thing I've ever done to get out of it."

Sasuke's entire body has grown still. He sees himself so clearly in Kakashi's shoes; sees how his future could so easily align with what Kakashi's told him, and how it very nearly did.

"I'll spare you the more gruesome details, because the ways in which we process trauma are very different, and I also don't want to mention anything more that could potentially be triggering to you. But I will tell you what I've learned from my experiences, because I wish more than anything that someone had been there to guide me in the right direction back then." Kakashi's voice grows quiet. "Because I see myself in you, and I want to support you in perhaps the only way I can right now."

Sasuke meets the older man's gaze, willing him to continue.

"Learning to forgive yourself for the past is perhaps one of the hardest things we as humans will ever experience. At times it will seem never-ending. I wish I could tell you that self-forgiveness is a linear, steady process, but I would be lying. And it looks different for all of us, no matter how similar our experiences might be, so take what I say with a grain of salt."

Kakashi pauses, the silence between them weighted and poignant.

"Our minds can be horribly cruel to us, as you know. They feed us nightmares. They refuse to let us sleep. They make it so easy for us to latch onto past mistakes and so exhausting for us to move on from them. At the end of the day, though, Sasuke, remember that the past is in the past. You can't change it no matter how much you might want to; no matter how much time you spend wallowing in it. You will have those memories from the Land of Iron with you for the rest of your life, just like you'll have the memories of everything else you've been through since you were a child."

Sasuke closes his eyes. It's so easy, almost. So easy for him, in some sick, self-deprecating way, to focus solely on the things he did wrong—to loathe himself for them—than allow himself the time and space to heal from the trauma of his childhood. Was that what he unknowingly decided atoning for his sins looked like?

He thinks of his family, of Itachi. Years later and he still blames himself for their deaths, even though he knows he shouldn't. He thinks of how much he misses them; of how often the night of the massacre still haunts him in his sleep.

Of how he's just barely scratched the surface of accepting how deeply his trauma runs, and how long a journey indeed he has ahead of him.

"When it comes to the Land of Iron…understand that torturing yourself over what happened that day will never do you any good—nor will torturing yourself over everything else I'm sure you feel guilty about. It took me years, Sasuke. So many long, agonizing years to realize that lingering on my negative memories of Rin's death was dangerously unhealthy. It's okay to feel guilty—I would be surprised if you didn't. But there's a difference between feeling guilty and allowing your inner critic to slowly eat away at your sanity until you feel there's no recovering from it. I imagine you know what I mean."

Sasuke grits his teeth and refuses to answer.

"Acknowledge your mistakes and the guilt that comes with them. Apologize to the people you've wronged, and accept responsibility for the pain you've caused them. What's important, however, is that you use your mistakes not as a tool to punish yourself, but as a learning experience—a promise that they won't happen again. Not that _I_ believe you would ever do something like that again," Kakashi adds, "but alas. We wouldn't be here if you saw yourself as I see you. As I know Sakura and Naruto see you."

But alas. If only that were the case.

"Acknowledge your mistakes, Sasuke. Acknowledge that you hurt others. Acknowledge that what happened in the past brings even you pain, and that it's okay to feel that way—invalidating your own emotions is the last thing you should be doing if you ever want to make amends with yourself, after all. But you cannot keep tormenting yourself over these things, as I'm sure you do expertly.

"It sounds so simple, but the sooner you realize that the best thing you can do is to learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself for them, and let them go, the sooner you'll find yourself a much healthier person. You'll come to accept the past for what it is and understand that the choices you make now and in the future are what matter most. You'll no longer be a hostage of your past, but rather a survivor of it, stronger and wiser because of what you've learned from it.

"These things take time, though," Kakashi says, the weight of years of grief and heartache evident in his words. "Only you will be able to find out what forgiving yourself and atoning for your sins really looks like, and believe me when I say that you must learn to be patient with yourself and the speed at which you heal. Unlearning your own self-hatred is hard work, especially when you've spent more than half your life cultivating it. I know from experience."

Kakashi lowers himself to the ground, legs folded. He gestures for Sasuke to join him. Side by side they sit, silent for a moment but for the sound of the wind flowing gently through the trees around them.

"Talk to me, Sasuke. What are you thinking about?"

Sasuke gazes at Rin's headstone. He reads her name once, then twice. Three times over. Finally he finds it in him to answer, "It terrifies me to think of what would have happened that day if you and Naruto hadn't come. I…" Looking at the grave suddenly becomes too much, and he turns his focus to the dark forest beyond. "Sakura caught me at my absolute worst. The lowest I've ever fallen. I'd given myself so entirely to my rage that I barely remember the details. How horrible is that, Kakashi? I would've killed her and barely remembered doing it." He closes his eyes, disgusted with himself. "And even now that sounds like an excuse."

"To think I'd find someone who's a harsher critic of themselves than I am," Kakashi replies cheerily. Sasuke fixes him with a glare, but Kakashi simply presses on, "I am in no way trying to justify your actions, but let's think about what you'd been through prior to and leading up to that moment. You lost your entire clan at the age of seven at the hands of the brother you adored. You based your entire life on revenge, and once you'd finally gotten that revenge you found out that Itachi did it to protect you, and that the village you were raised in played a significant part in the orchestration of it all.

"Sasuke," Kakashi continues softly, "you experienced several horrifically traumatic events at extremely vulnerable times in your life. What you went through...I can only try to imagine what it was like, and even then the mere thought is agonizing enough. I am not trying to justify your actions, merely telling you to treat yourself with a bit of kindness."

Sasuke blinks away the sudden stinging in his eyes. "I don't need your pity," he snaps, but even then it's a knee-jerk reaction, lacking animosity. He knows Kakashi's right—it's just not something he's used to hearing, nor is treating himself with kindness something he quite knows how to do yet. "That doesn't change the fact that I nearly killed her."

"But you didn't." Kakashi's voice grows stern. "You are tearing yourself apart over what-ifs. Sakura is alive. Don't forget that you're talking to the man who put a chidori through the heart of the girl who loved him, Sasuke."

Sasuke swallows, bowing his head, remorse weighing on him almost to the point of physical pain. He wants to apologize to Kakashi for the insensitive comment—they're sitting in front of Rin's grave, for Kami's sake—but the older man continues on:

"Sakura's alive, and she forgives you, and she wants nothing more than to see you happy. But you must allow yourself to be happy, Sasuke. That'll never be the case if you continue to punish yourself for something that didn't happen, and if you don't learn to forgive yourself for the things that did. Our time on this earth is finite and precious. You can't let your obsession with the past distract you from all the things life has in store for your future. And you especially shouldn't let it hold you back from enjoying what you have in the present. You'll only come to regret it if you do. Trust me."

Sasuke knows Kakashi is right. He knows, yet years of guilt and self-hatred have left little room for forgiveness. He's torn between trying to accept Kakashi's words as the truth and vehemently denying himself that right: so as a result he simply says nothing.

Another few minutes pass in silence. Sasuke senses that Kakashi is giving him time to cool down, to process everything he's told him, which he'll come to appreciate later on. In this moment it only grates on his nerves.

Kakashi eventually clears his throat. "As I mentioned," he begins casually, "mind-reading is unfortunately not in my repertoire of talents. But I would like to say that I am quite observant. Since you are incredibly stubborn, I'll say this in a way that hopefully gets through your thick skull."

Sasuke narrows his eyes, unsure of what the older man is thinking.

"I think you care about Sakura so much it scares you."

He nearly jerks back at the unexpected words.

"Even when you three were still my students I saw how you treated her. You may not have realized it then, and your feelings toward her may have been entirely platonic, but I saw it regardless. You loved her as much as the person you were then was capable of loving another, given everything you'd been through. You would've done anything in your power to keep her safe."

Sasuke opens his mouth—

"Am I wrong?" Kakashi gives him an expectant look.

He remains silent.

"You would've done anything in your power to keep her safe," Kakashi repeats. "That day at the bridge, as you mentioned, Sakura caught you at your absolute worst, and yes, she nearly died by your hand. But she didn't, and she forgives you for it now," he adds. "Now the war is over and we're experiencing peace for the first time in years. Yet this time hasn't been easy for you, has it? Some days you feel you have too much time alone with your own thoughts. Others it's all too easy for you to pretend everything's okay when you know deep down that isn't true. We've all forgiven you for the past, even though you may not understand how we possibly could, especially when it comes to Sakura. You haven't forgiven yourself, but _we've_ all forgiven you, and sometimes that feels like it's enough, doesn't it?"

Sasuke's jaw clenches. He refuses to give Kakashi the satisfaction of seeing that every word hits far too close to home.

"Then there's Sakura. Sakura is a living, breathing reminder of your guilt. Just when you think you've made progress, just when you think you've healed and the past no longer has a hold of you, she's there—reminding you simply with her presence that you once fell so hard and so low that you would've killed the last person you ever wanted to hurt. I can imagine that's very difficult for you. Running away from the worst parts of ourselves is easy. Dangerously so. What's brutally hard and a seemingly endless uphill battle is recognizing and accepting those parts for what they were. Acknowledging them, forgiving yourself for them, and finally understanding that those parts of you no longer exist and thus no longer hold any sway over you.

"You are not the boy I met at the bridge that day," Kakashi says with utter sincerity, "although you may think he still exists somewhere inside you. You must realize that you will always, always be afraid of yourself if you continue to think like that. You'll find yourself wanting to be closer to Sakura as you've tried to be for the past year, but you will always keep her at that horribly perfect distance—where you can watch over her, protect her, while never letting her get too close because you simply don't trust yourself. Because you care about her too much to put her at risk, and you're just too afraid you'll hurt her again."

Finally Sasuke meets Kakashi's gaze. The older man's eyes curve up in a perceptive smile.

"Would you ever hurt her again, Sasuke?" Kakashi asks with a note of confidence that implies he already knows the answer.

Sasuke blinks. He turns to look at Rin's grave again, this time unflinchingly.

He gazes upon the headstone and thinks of Kakashi, who—through trial and error and many, many years—was able to forgive himself for inadvertently ending the life of a precious friend. He imagines his own journey will be long and arduous as well; yet necessary, and so very worth it.

He thinks of his nightmare: how it brought his worst fear to the forefront of his mind and nearly destroyed him as a result. He thinks of how worried he was the entire time Sakura was late from her mission, and of the sheer relief he felt at seeing her home, safe and sound.

" _I would very much like to be your friend, Sasuke-kun. If you'll allow me. It won't happen overnight, and that's okay—I'd like to think there's no harm in trying. Neither of us will ever forget the past, but I'm tired of running away from my fears." Sakura smiles a small smile. "You've been a fear of mine for quite some time, whether I wanted to admit it or not. Training today forced me to think about a lot of things I shouldn't have been hiding from myself, or from you. I want to be honest from now on. I want to change."_

He thinks it's time he's honest as well.

Kakashi said the words aloud but Sasuke now feels the clear, unerring truth of them in every bone in his body: Sakura is without a doubt the last person on earth he would ever want to hurt.

And there is not a goddamn ounce of that boy from the bridge in the person he is today.

It's with the utmost finality that Sasuke answers, "Never."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is without a doubt the most difficult thing I've written to date. To think that the upcoming chapters won't be getting any easier is both a blessing and a curse. I'm excited to go through this journey with you all, but conversations like these are complex and heavy and take quite a bit of time for me to fully flesh out in a way I'll be satisfied with. Hopefully they'll be as worth it for you to read as they have been for me to write. :)
> 
> As always, your reviews are everything to me. I'd really appreciate it if you'd let me know what you thought of this chapter!
> 
> With love,
> 
> Shannon
> 
> P.S. I apologize for the lack of SasuSaku content recently. :( I'm dying to get to it too, believe me.


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